Drivers During Holiday Shopping

Drivers During Holiday Shopping

Somewhere deep in the heart of the city people gather.  They gather under cover of the fast approaching dawn.  Each is handed an assignment.  Once they have listened to the plan and examined the contents of their envelope, they leave.

Meanwhile, unsuspecting folks ready themselves for holiday shopping.  Armed with full gas tanks, giant cups of coffee, long lists, money and credit cards, and a healthy dose of anticipation, these folks march to their transportation and head off to do serious business.  Little do they know that a plan has been set in motion that will test their patience and their choice of colorful words.

Not only do these holiday shoppers have all of the above, but they also have a map.  Backtracking is not an option.  If they follow the map and their time line, everything will be accomplished just like they planned.  With coupons and lists on the seat beside them, off they go to their first destination.

Everything is going as planned.  Traffic is moving along at the speed limit.  This is going to be a piece of Christmas candy.  And then it happens.  A car moves in front.  Everything changes in a heart beat.  The person driving the car in front has decided that the speed limit is way too fast.  Better to slow all the traffic down.  Besides, it saves gas when one drives slowly.  This requires the shopper to slam on the brakes to avoid kissing the rear end of that slow moving car.  Did I mention how quickly positive attitudes change?

The shopper glances at both lanes.  Maybe it will be possible to move into either the lane to the right or left.  But no.  Both of those lanes are almost bumper to bumper.  Now those choice words begin to form in the brain.  Exactly who is driving that car?  What do they think they are doing?  Boy, would I--oh, I mean that shopper like to give that person a piece of their mind.  Don't they understand that everything can be accomplished if the schedule is maintained?  Evidently they don't.  Even when the shopper almost touches the bumper, the speed does not change.

While all of this frustration is happening in the shopper's car, the little blue haired person in the car in front is smiling.  The plan is working perfectly.  They were able to move into the lane in front of this selected car and have been there ever since.  This little person knows that all over town others are doing the same thing.  What a blast they are having.

Ok.  Maybe there really isn't a conspiracy out there on the parkway.  Maybe all these folks really don't gather in a secret location to cause mischief.  Maybe I am the only one who finds myself trapped behind these people who wear headscarves over their blue hair.  Maybe there is a reason that I am the one who is selected.  What I do know is it takes all my will power to control the urge to think nasty thoughts about those sweet little people.  Wait!  Who said they were sweet?

A solution would be to shop late at night.  Surely those folks would be in bed with their hair nets in place.  Traffic should be less and hopefully, they will all be moving at the designated speed limit.

However, I like to think that somewhere out there....