Waiting to be Chosen

Waiting to be Chosen-

Did you ever experience this?  There is a game.  Everyone is told to stand in a line and wait to be picked.  The chosen two look long and hard at the people in the line.  Everyone knows what will happen next.  The best friends of the people making the selections will get the nod to join their side.  It will continue until there are only a few people left standing.  They have to be chosen because that is how the game is played.  So, reluctantly, the final selections are made. Now the game can begin.

I would venture most of us have been on both sides of that scene.  If we were waiting to be chosen, our hearts fell each time our name wasn't called. If we were making the selection, I hope we thought about how it felt to be called last everytime.  Actually, there was more than one game being played.  One game about rules and winning, and the other game about keeping best friends close.

The sad thing about those types of games is there is no escape.  Everyone has to wait to be picked.  No one is allowed to turn and walk away.  No one is allowed to sit this one out.  For those picked early, it is all fun and games.  For those who must wait, it is agony.  Much can be learned from games.  And much can be applied to life outside the classroom.

While I could write endlessly about all the pros and cons of this type of game, I am not going to do that.  Rather, I want to spend a little time together thinking about the wait to be picked.

The wait to be picked.  Those words tell us that we are not in control.  We are in the game, but we have no decision making opportunities.  We must wait.  Once we become adults, we are in a different game. This game is ours.  Right or wrong, we get to make many decisions.  Certainly there are those who still exercise control.  Our bosses, the laws of our land, our partner/spouse, our health are only a few of those with some decision making control.  Nevertheless, that still leaves many opportunities for us to make choices.

And this is the best part.  If we see something that moves our hearts and souls, we don't have to wait one minute to be picked.  We can begin something all by ourselves.  We can take action to right a wrong.  We can decide to help a cause that is dear to us.  We can take a stand against something that causes pain and suffering.  We can step up and be heard.  We can offer our assistance to others who need us.  We don't have to wait.  Did you hear that?  We don't have to wait.  In fact, our waiting is over.  We can move forward on our own.  Games are over.  Real life is happening.  There is no line anymore.

Games teach us many important life lessons.  Even though some may have been a little difficult for us as young people, we can take those lessons and apply them to our adult lives.  We can reach out to those who have been hurt by life and offer friendship.  We can make sure that no one is left out anymore.  We can create a loving space that welcomes new people in.

Know what?  I choose you, and you, and you and you.....

Ruts-Are You in One?

Ruts-Are You in One?

Youth is full of possibilities.  Those who are young tend to try new things.  They welcome the opportunity to experience the new.  That might be a trip to some new and different area of the world.  It might include riding the highest roller coaster or learning to dive into the sea.  It could mean they are free of the knowledge that older folks have.  They are still in the learning mode.  No rocking chairs, please.  In place of the rocking chair, give them an airplane and a parachute.  Yes, youth can be reckless.  They can bite off more than they can chew.  But, they usually bounce back from challenge that went wrong and march off to try the next new thing.

At some point in lives that enthusiastic way of living is replaced with maturity.  Oh how I hate that word.  But, the respected way to live as an adult is to master the crazy impulses in favor of a more sedate lifestye.  We are expected to settle down.  We are expected to follow a certain path.  We are expected to be responsible.  We are expected to settle into a career and stay there.  Doesn't matter if inside we are screaming to escape.  The expectations keep us grounded in what others believe is correct.

To be fair, many find expectations comforting.  The lines are drawn, and everyone knows what they are.  It is easy to conform.  Get an education, get a job, get a partner or spouse, get a house, get children, get retirement plans, get a burial plot paid for.  The formula is laid out for us.  When we follow those guidelines,  we will live a fulfilling life.  We will not be a burden to anyone else.  We will provide for our old age and leave behind something for our children.  All of these are good things.  And they show responsibility.

Recently I read an article about a husband and wife who put all their possessions in storage and set out to live day to day.  Yes, they had the funds to do that.  That is not the point I want to discuss.  What I think is important is not where they lived, but that they had the courage to move beyond what everyone else terms successful.  They sold their house.  They have no "home."  Yet they are experiencing life in such a rich and colorful way.  They are not bound by what a society says is acceptable.  They made a change in lifestyle that is different from most of us.  I so admire their courage to step out of the line.  I can only imagine the experiences they are having and the diversity they are enjoying.  I would venture to say they are experiencing a new type of joy in life.  It takes courage to do what they did.

Maybe the question is this.  Do we settle?  Do we allow others to make the decisions for our lives?  Do we make excuses about why we do what we do instead of doing what we wish we would do?  Do we look at others' experiences and enjoy life through them?  Are we happier watching tv than having a different experience?  Do we think those who step out of line are being foolish and childlike?  Are we maybe a little critical?  And if we are critical, is it because we wish we could do the things they are doing?

Heck.  I don't know the answers to those questions.  But I do know this.  Life is to be lived.  Fully and with excitement.  How that will look depends on each person.  For me, it is so important to experience as many things as I can while I still have time.  Some of life's experiences are not for me.  I won't be climbing a mountain.  Have thought about skydiving, but have not done that yet.  Still a possibility.  I do know this.  I am the happiest when there are new challenges in life.  I like seeing something I have not seen or going somewhere I have not been.  Recently I visited an artist's private show.  With me was an artist friend.  We talked about the technique the artist used in bringing her vision to fruition on a canvas.  As we talked about each piece on display, she pointed out many things I would not have seen had I been by myself.  Later she shared with me that I had seen what she had not in the pieces.  She said I brought much to her understanding.  Now, that is what I am trying to say.  It was not a faraway place.  But, it was a moment of discovery.  I am enriched by that. She is, too.

Is there a rut that is comfortable in life?  Absolutely.  It takes energy and courage to dig out of the rut and move to a new place.  Ruts are killers of creativity. They are killers of life.  They suck everything out of us and leave nothing new except a deeper hole.  How deep of a hole are we willing to accept as our home?

Well, this old broad is not going into the beyond gently and quietly.  No way.  I am going with determination that life is not over.  That age is a number that sometimes limits but does not stop learning and growth.  I am going into the next experiences fully expecting to be amazed and awed.

Want to join me?

Who Are You? Who Am I?

Who Are You? Who Am I?-

Who are you? Who am I?  While I enjoy a little thinking now and then, questions like those make me run for cover.  At first glance the answer seems so obvious.  One wonders the need to even think the question let along ask it.  And so we rattle off who we are.  Or do we?

Usually the actual question goes more like this.  "Where do you work? Do you have children?  Where do you live?"  These types of questions have very easy answers.  More often than not, the listener isn't interested in a full accounting.  These questions open the door for dialogue.  Conversation needs a starting point.

Our usual answers speak to the number of years we worked.  We talk about the career path we took.  Perhaps we elaborate a little about our job.  We do that especially if we loved it or hated it.  If we are ambigious about our life work, we hurry on to another question that is more fun to talk about. Or we proudly tell about our children.  If we have grandchildren, we bring out the pictures and talk about how smart they are.  Been there.  Done that. Often our answers include where we chose to live out our lives.   And so it goes.  We do a dance around the answers probably because we understand that that is the expected reply to the question.

I wonder how the conversation would go if the speaker walked out into the deep water and gave a full reply.  My guess is the listener's eyes would glaze over, and they would be thinking about  how to make a graceful exit-plotting their escape.  Been there a few times in my life.  So, what do we want from other people when we ask the questions?  Do we really want to know about their life choices, their favorite ice cream or the color of their living room walls?  Do these answers allow others to know who we really are?

Who am I?  Who are you?  These can be difficult questions.  They ask us to move below the surface of our lives and think beyond the obvious answers.  They ask us to define ourselves in a new way.  Let me tell you.  It is hard work.  It requires us to think deeply about ourselves.  I don't find that interesting at all.  I would much rather learn you than spend any time looking at me. Yet, when I think about the whys of my life, patterns begin to emerge.  I begin to see why I made certain choices and not others.

So, how should we answer those questions that seem so easy?  I think we make the decision about how much to share based on the relationship with the listener.  I am fortunate to have several women who really do want to know who I am.  I feel the same way about them.  We share our pretties and our uglies.  We know judgement is absent.  We can say the most awful thing and still be loved.  We also realize that we are always changing.  What we thought or believed when we were eighteen disappeared long ago.  Life happened to us.  Experiences challenged us.  We are wiser now.  But just as silly.

Who am I?  Here is a sampling of the answer to that question.  I am a learner.  I am an observer.  My head and heart don't always work in harmony thus getting me in trouble sometimes.  Change is necessary for me to thrive.  I welcome new ideas and thoughts that are different from mine as those ideas and thoughts push me to think in new ways. My family grounds me.  Sometimes I laugh when I shouldn't, and cry when it makes no sense.

Now it is your turn.  Who are you?  What defines you?   You can't select a job so don't try to go there!  You have to take a long look into yourself.  And if we ever meet and ask one another these questions,  I hope there is a chair and a drink handy because it will take awhile.

The Day After

The Day After--

It was a lovely morning for a walk.  A sweet breeze played among the trees.  Birds sang lovely songs.  Branches heavy with green leaves formed an arch over the path almost as if we were walking through a lush tunnel.  Flowers graced the sides of the walk.  Squirrels darted to and fro busy with the work that squirrels do.  Sunshine pierced the greenery creating shadows on the ground.  It was a perfect morning.

As I walked, I thought about all the things in this world that are beautiful.  People.  The laughter of children.  Health.  Smiles.  Warm greetings when someone enters our space.  A purpose.  Relationships.  Friendships.  Time to be.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Prayer.  And as I thought on those things, I was reminded once again that the most precious things in life cannot be purchased.  They are gifts.

People riding bikes were laughing as they passed me.  Friends engaged in conversation met and greeted me.  Parents pushing children smiled.  Some people were hooked up with music or a book as they walked or jogged.  Yes, it was the perfect morning for being outside.

Yet, I was keenly aware that life had changed in a day.  Life is like that, isn't it?  With no warning, no time to prepare, no time to think, life can change.  It changed yesterday for all those people in that plane.  I wanted to give each of them the gift of this beautiful morning.  I wanted to share this day with them.  I wanted to watch those young children ride their bikes on this smooth path and hear their laughter.  But, that will never be.  So I asked myself why.  Why can't people resolve differences?  Why is violence so rampant in the world?  Why would anyone choose to kill innocent people?

Others are grieving, too.  Everyday people leave us.  It is the way of life.  We understand that even if we find it difficult to accept.  We know that we are put here for a little while.  We know we have a beginning, a middle and an end just like a story.  In fact, we are a story.  Each of us is a story.  We accept that life will cease for each of us.  What we cannot and must not accept is the taking of life before its time by acts of violence.

There is nothing I can do to help those who are so very far away as they deal with their new normal.  Well, that is not entirely true, is it?  I can remember them in prayers.  And in their name, I can be present for others who are within my space.  The truth is we will all experience pain in this life.  We will all need the warmth of a friend when our life gets tough.  In their name I can reach out beyond my own personal comfort zone and give help to others in need.  Yes, I can do those things in their name.

There will be more beautiful mornings.  Birds will sing, squirrels will scamper, the breeze will blow.  People will go about their morning activities.  Life will continue.  And in that continuing of life, let us be so very grateful for all opportunities to show love and care to our fellow earth travelers.  The best things in this life have no monetary value at all.  But they are priceless beyond measure.

Tragedy

Tragedy--

Sorrow knows no nationality, gender, political party, ethnic group.  Sorrow is universal.

Tonight hundreds of people are grieving the loss of relatives and friends.  I am grieving the loss of human life.  I am grieving for the many families who are lost in a sea of sorrow.  A day that began with hopes and dreams ended quickly and violently.  Plans were in motion for all those aboard the fated plane.  Perhaps at the end of the flight people would reunite with family.  Maybe some were traveling for business.  Others were probably making connections for a long anticipated vacation.  Whatever the reason they were on that particular airliner,  those hopes, dreams and ambitions changed in the twinkling of an eye.

Many of us have done the very same thing.  Packed our suitcases, headed for the airport, stood in line to board, made our nests once we found our seat.  We took our computer or headsets to help pass the time as we raced across the sky in a silver bird.  Perhaps we took a book to read.  Knowing we would have a few hours, we might even finish the book.  My guess is we purchased coffee or snacks to enjoy should we need a boost.  We hoped for a smooth flight.  Bumpy flights are frightening.  At some point the book, computer, headphones were put away. We settled back with a neck pillow and blanket for a nap.

Probably those folks aboard the plane today were doing some of those same things.  They were killing time.  They had no idea they would actually be killed.  Simply writing those words makes me sick to my stomach.  In a flash life changed.  All those lives were silenced forever leaving those who loved them stunned. How could anyone do such a thing?

While authorities work to understand how this tragedy happened, people mourn.  They mourn the loss of love and life.  They mourn what might have been.  They mourn never looking into the eyes of those they loved.  They mourn.  They cry.  They remember.

For those of us who have another day on this earth, let us grab those we love and hug them.  Let us remember to be grateful for family and friends.  Let us reach beyond ourselves to comfort those within our space.  Let us not forget that we are all connected.  We are connected by our humanity to those families who mourn tonight.

Beauty All Around

Beauty All Around--

Thistle, Queen Ann's Lace, Chickory.  These are but a few of the beautiful wildflowers growing in the ditchbank beside our mailbox.  Delicate white flowers on tall slender stems beckon butterflys to come feast.  That would be Queen Ann's Lace.  Placed in a jar or bottle they provide beauty on a table.

Thistle shares its beauty in a different way.  It lets you know that you will have to use caution when getting too close.  The tall, slender barbs that protect the purple flower mean business.  Standing beside Queen Ann's Lace, it provides quite the contrast.  It has strength.  Bees often cover Thistle thus ensuring their future.

Chickory has a lovely light blue flower on several stems.  It truly looks like a weed.  It grows in the worst soil.  Often right beside the road.  It is much shorter than the others mentioned.  The root of the Chickory can be boiled for tea.  These three growing together are an absolute delight.

Many other smaller plants grow alongside these.  Altogether they make a beautiful combination of colors, heights and textures.  Some have flowers.  Some don't.  The interesting thing is they all seem to fit perfectly together.  Each takes up just enough space to grow.  Each comes to maturity in its own time.

Many years ago my dad shared with me that he was seeing all the wildflowers for the first time.  During  all his working years he never looked right or left.  He was too busy making a living.  Up early to work the fields or drive off to his job, his mind was on providing for the family.  There was no time to look at wildflowers.  Often they were mowed down, anyway.  They were weeds.  Who wants weeds?

After he retired, he saw them for the first time.  All those years they had shared their beauty, but he never noticed.  He said he was so surprised at the beauty they gave away to the world.  He shared that he wished he had taken the time to look instead of driving by on his way to somewhere else.  Oh-such lessons from those thoughts.

Camera in hand, I stood in the ditch beside all the gifts of nature and snapped pictures.  Their life is short so I needed to have a reminder of what will return again next year.  Besides, I may use the pictures in my next book.

Truly seeing takes effort.  Racing along a highway with eyes straight ahead-which is probably where they should be-gets us where we are headed.  We are all on a journey from here to there.  But, what if we decided to take a less traveled road?  What if we took our time on a journey from here to there?  What if we even stopped our car, got out and walked beside the road?  What might we see?  What might we feel?  What might we experience?  Just the simple act of slowing down has the power to free our spirits.

Many wildflowers grow in our gardens.  Spring Beauty, Bluebells, Jack in the Pulpit, Bleeding Heart, Trout Lily, Shooting Stars, Trilium, Lily of the Valley to name a few.  If we are not watchful, some of them will disappear before we notice their arrival.  This spring I taught our youngest grandson how to enjoy the sweet taste of the Bluebell.  After that lesson, he feasted on them!  Well, not really feasted because the tiny amount of sweet is just right for bees but not for boys.

Yes, I know that life is busy.  I understand that time is limited.  I realize that people go in circles these days.  However, I would like to offer a simple plan.  One that is free for all the family.  It is this.  Set aside thirty minutes to look at nature.  Maybe you could identify trees by their leaves.  Or walk along a ditchbank and talk about colors and textures.  Introduce new words such as delicate or bristly.  Pick up rocks and examine their color, shape and weight.  How are they alike or different?

I think when we spend time in nature, we grow to appreciate this world and all the people in it.  We truly see what surrounds us yet never insists we visit.  We realize that we are only one small part of a very large space.  And we are awed with the wonder of it all.

Looking Back--

Looking Back--

Heard this on a commercial for a car.  "Someday your life will flash before your eyes.  Make it worth watching."  Wow!  That gives me something to think about.  And it has nothing to do with the car that I drive.  It has to do with a life lived.

Immediately I am thrown into a backward glance.  I see missed opportunities.  I see mistakes.  I see errors in judgement.  I remember dumb decisions.  I think about times when I could have offered a listening ear yet decided not to be involved.  Yes, that backward glance is an ouch.

Then I force myself to move to a more honest backward glance.  I stay there and remember so many wonderful life experiences.  I remember times when several paths presented themselves to me.  I stood looking at each one trying to ascertain which one was best.  The good thing about that is there were options.  I had choice.  Each path was good.  A few were better, and one was best.  Eventually I was able to make the decision.

Another lesson learned from that backward glance is the knowledge that I was able to learn from mistakes and move forward.  We all make mistakes.  Had there been no lesson learned, life would be quite different now.  We all have the option of learning from mistakes or coninuing to make the same one over and over.  It takes strength and perserverance to stay on the new track we set for ourselves.  Over time we can move to a new and better place when we learn from our mistakes.  Or we can stay locked in the same unending circle going absolutely nowhere.  Experiencing the same thing over and over.

Dumb decisions are just that.  Dumb.  They are usually not lethal.  But they make us cringe when we think about what we did or said.  We feel so stupid.  And we often tell ourselves how dumb we were.  Well, lighten up.  Those folks who know us know that occasionally goofy things escape from our mouths.  They do not represent who we are, or what we truly believe.  They are momentary lapses in smarts!  So, forgive yourself and others and move on.

The most difficult backward glance for me involves times when I could have stepped forward yet didn't.  I am sure at the time there were reasons for staying back.  However, stepping forward means there are opportunities to be a blessing to others and to be blessed by others.  Who wants to miss out on that?  Somewhere between the moves from Arkansas to Tennessee to Kentucky to Oregon to Illinois I learned that we get one chance at many opportunities.  And I grabbed that knowledge and ran with it.  Because of that, many people have crossed my path.  They have enriched my life.  They have taught me important lessons.  Had I chosen to stay inside the small universe of my life...I can't even imagine what my life would look like.  I am grateful and thankful for all those who allowed me to move within their circle, and who felt welcome in mine.

So, while that backward glance made me wince a bit, it also made me smile.  It forced me to be honest with who I am and look forward to whom I am becoming.  Looking back helps me see how I have grown.  All of the experiences of my life brought me to this place.  Absolutely--I would love to have avoided a few.  Some were very painful.  But they are all part of the fabric of a life.

What I really want is for the rest of my life to be worth watching.  I bet you do, too!

Wishing Things Were Different

Wishing Things Were Different--

Have you ever commented that you wish things were different?  The things you wish were different could be anything.  They might include your job/career, personal relationships, weight, hair, residence, attitude.  It is possible that you spend time planning how to make things different.  Then life happens, and you forget to follow through with the plan.

Wishing things were different is common to the human condition. While there are certain things we are pleased with, there are others that we wish to change.  We think about how to make the change happen.  We write down our steps to keep us on target.  Early in the process we check that plan regularly.  Then we check it a little less often.  And finally we don't check it at all.  We do know where the list is.  It is under the pile of correspondence that resides on the desk.  The new plan is to revisit it and begin again.

Let's face the truth.  Wishing never made anything different.  Wishing is noncommital.  We express the change we would like to make, but we take no steps forward.  Perhaps it is our way of talking about change without actually doing it.  We feel part of the group.  Everyone has something they wish were different so we have something in common with the rest of the world.  But, is that how we really want to live?

It is easier to use the word wish than to take the necessary action that change requires.  I can wish to be twenty pounds lighter.  I will not be twenty pounds lighter by wishing.  I have to change my actions.  I have to be deliberate about food choices.  If those twenty pounds are important to me, I will make an action plan and follow it.  The same goes for all areas of life.  Nothing ever changes without changing direction.  And there is the challenge.

Change means we move from where we were to a new place.  This place could be a place of peace amid chaos.  It could be a physical move from one area of the world to another.  It could mean cleaning out the clutter in our minds.  Everytime we work toward change, we leave something behind.  Making the decision about what to leave and what to embrace forces us to think about who we are, and what we want our lives to be.  Yes, that is challenging, but it is also invigorating.  We feel full of life when we do the hard work of change.  Our attitude is lighter and brighter.  Everyday annoyances seem less troublesome.  We see ourselves through different lens.  And we like what we see.

So, why is it so difficult to change from "I wish" to "I will?"  Your guess is as good as mine.  Maybe we are lazy.  Maybe we are just a little unhappy with present circumstances, but not unhappy enough to get off our butts and do the work required for real change to occur. Maybe we believe this is as good as it will ever be, and we need to accept the present situation.  Maybe in the past we tried to change something that was troubling us, but we never quite got there.  Rather than start over and risk failure again, it is easier to tell ourselves that things aren't so bad.  Until the next time we use the word wish.

Yes, I wish certain things were different in my life.  Some of those things I wish for are things I can accomplish.  Others will probably remain a wish.  But one thing is certain.  If I remain the same, so will my life.  My direction is determined by my decisions about all areas of life.  It is up to me to examine the times I use the word wish and see if I am simply joining a conversation or actually putting a plan into action.

Have you ever wished things were different?