Untold Stories

Untold Stories-

In the secret places of my life, there are countless untold stories.  Why will they remain untold?  One reason they will remain held close is I refuse to be the one responsible for heart attacks.  Gasps- yes, I can handle that.  But shock-well, no.

So now you are wondering exactly what those untold stories are, aren't you?  You are picturing different scenarios.  Even imagining where, when, what.  Maybe a thought comes to your mind, but you quickly dismiss it because you can't believe that could be one of my untold stories.  You move on to the next possibility.  When we meet, you listen for any clues in conversation shared.

Let's get real.  Everyone has untold stories.  Everyone has dreams that have been smashed by good-hearted people who have no clue what you wish, or even who you are.  Your secret place is the repository for all those untold stories.  Only you hold the key.  Even the key is hidden.  What if someone actually found it and unlocked that door?  Can't allow that to happen.  You and only you have access to that door.  That key is yours.  Should you allow another beyond that door, it will be because they have earned your trust.  Perhaps they have had similar life experiences so you feel they will understand.  Even so, trust comes slowly.

Life throws so much at us.  Daily we are given choices.  Which ones we choose will direct our future.    Not all choices carry the same weight.  Some are easy and light.  Which food to choose off that huge menu, what shoes make our feet look smaller, which colors show off our eyes.  Those are simple choices.  Then there are those choices that are heavy.  They leave us drained. How to pay bills, which one can be left for the next month, who is the best doctor for our particular illness.  These are difficult.  If challenging choices haven't smacked you in the face yet, wait a little bit longer.  Wish I could say everything in your life will be peachy keen, but the human experience extends its arms to all of us. How we walk through these times is our choice.

I do believe that choice drives us.  However, there are times when that word seems a bit simplistic.  Life comes at us from all sides.  Just when we think we have made all the right choices, we are bombarded with unexpected challenges.  We don't always get to choose the path life puts in front of us.  Often we find ourselves adrift in the middle of the river with no paddle to get us to shore.  Even more-we don't have a boat to sit in as we paddle toward safety.  We feel lost and afraid.  Yet, even amid circumstances that threaten, we dig deep.  We push that paddle deeper into the water and make our way to safety.  One steady stroke after the other.

Times like these fill us with untold stories.  We hold those thoughts and fears inside.  We put on that facade and move through life.  We say all the right things and do all the right things.  We are fine. At least that is what we tell others.  We don't want to bother others with the real story.  They might find us difficult or different from the way they see us.  Too much at stake.  Keep it light.  Keep it simple.

A benefit of untold stories is we identify with others.  We don't have to share our story to feel their pain or disappointment.  We have been on that path.  We know.  And because we have walked that same path, we can offer understanding.  No judgement.  Simply care.  A listening ear.  A pat on a back.  A hug.

Not all untold stories are negative or worrisome.  Some are happy.  Joyful.  We keep those close for the moments when we need that little boost.  We smile and laugh aloud when we remember.  It is delightful to have those moments to shove us down the path.  To pucker those lips and whistle a tune along the journey.  These stories allow us to connect with others who are having good times.  To be energized.  Smiling eyes looking into smiling eyes.  What joy.

Untold stories are part of everyone's life.  They help us understand this journey we are all on.  My path will differ from yours as will yours differ from mine.  We all feel pain, fear, despair, disappointment.  It is my hope that we all also feel joy, love, care.  On this journey we may pass one another.  We may stop and share a bit before we move along.  We may pull deep inside until we have the strength to take that next step on the path of our life.  What we need to remember is we are all on the same journey.  We begin.  We end.  It is what we do with the middle that tells our story.

Will I share my untold stories with you?  Probably not.  At least not until we have sat together and shared.  Not until we have cried and laughed together.  Not until we have connected in a deep and meaningful way.  Even then it may be very difficult.  Not impossible-just difficult.

Life isn't over.  Many more untold stories to store in my secret place.  Don't you dare search for that key!

Refreshed

Refreshed--

It is raining.  Beautiful rain.  Much needed rain.  The land will be refreshed.  People will feel relief from the heat.  All is good this morning as the lovely drops fall from the sky.

Refreshed.  What a wonderful word.  It speaks to me of new beginnings.  Perhaps not starting over with everything in our lives, but certainly moving forward with new hope.  Life can drag it out of us. All the responsibilities that accompany adulthood tend to overwhelm.  People with needs.  Cars that need repairs.  Homes that are endless money pits.  Jobs that become mundane.  Relationships that require constant care.  Children with activities that have us meeting ourselves coming and going.  Families which sometimes translates into the word stress.  That is the short list.

Amid all the activities that pull us, it is essential to find the time to refresh.  While a vacation to a far away place sounds fun, it can also add another level to our stress.  Preparing for a trip is work.  Clothes selected, washed and packed.  Mail stopped.  Animals relocated for our time away.  Money.  Getting the car ready.  Buying the tickets.  Locating a place to stay that is within our budget.  I am exhausted with all the stuff required for a simple get away.

Even with all that is required to finally arrive at our destination, the time there can be just what we need.  We see something different from what we see everyday.  We eat at special places.  We shop in new and interesting stores.  We sleep in.  The best part of this is there is no where we have to be at any certain time.  We are free from schedules.  We can rest, eat, play, think, dream.  We can visit with friends or make memories with our family.  It's just what we needed.  We leave saying how refreshed we are to return and begin again.

Years ago when we lived in the Pacific Northwest, we would drive two or three hours to the mountains in winter to ski.  The absolute beauty of the drive was almost enough for me to feel ready to meet the week.  Huge evergreens with snow covered branches lined the highway.  It was like a trip through fairy land driving to the mountain to slide down all day.  People dressed in colorful outfits were enjoying slipping and sliding down groomed hills. Well, not everyone.  Those who spent much of their day on the snow-covered ground were not especially festive. But me-I remember being so refreshed.  My spirit was literally singing.  Being in such a beautiful place filled me up with joy.  Absolute joy.  When Monday rolled around, I was ready to see those little second graders.  I had done something to change the daily schedule.

Camping, skiing, hiking, walking in the sand beside the incoming waves  of the Pacific Ocean were activities we enjoyed.  Each was a change.  We saw something different, met new people.  The best thing about this is we were only two hours from anything we wanted to do.  It was a good time.

Sameness tends to wear folks down.  When one day looks just like the day before and the day before that,  it is easy to become a little discouraged.  When that happens, it is absolutely necessary we seek out what we need to feel refreshed.  We see the world differently when we are refreshed.  Challenges still arise.  But we are able to see them with fresh eyes.  New solutions appear instead of believing there are none.  We greet others with sincere care.  We feel a bit more peaceful.

There are times when getting away is simply not in the cards.  It's not always about distance.  Maybe we need to spend time with a cherished friend.  Or take a long walk while listening to our kind of music.  Driving to another town to see what is different from what we are used to can also help us feel refreshed.  Being alone with our own thoughts and feelings works, too.  Whatever moves us to that place is what we must seek.

Feeling refreshed is essential for a healthy life.  Whatever it is that takes us to that place, we must make the trip.  Life is about making memories and sharing them.  It is about storing  pictures in our mind that we can pull up when we need a dose of change.  Our lives are full.  However, there is a difference between full and rich.  Busy is a word we throw around.  If we can say we are so busy, then we believe we have arrived.  We are in the middle of it all.  I get that.  Truly I do.  Life makes demands.  We make choices, but somewhere in the middle of busy, hopefully we find time to truly live.  To spend time with family and friends.  To visit over a cup of coffee or a meal.  To connect.
                       
I see a friend coming through the door.  Gotta go.  Feeling refreshed!

We Can Do Better

We Can Do Better-

We can do better.  Easy words to write.  Difficult in so many ways.

On the simplest of levels we can determine to stop nagging our family about dropping clothes where they leave the body.  The living room.  The kitchen.  The hall.  Everywhere but the dirty clothes hamper or basket.  We can make up our mind to give a simple reminder to those who occupy our space.  We can leave a note. We can refuse to pick up anything but what is ours.  Yes, we can decide to do better.

That lasts about a day-or maybe an hour.  All our good intentions fly out the window as we see piles and piles all over the house.  What if company dropped in?  What if we had to leave suddenly and needed a neighbor to watch the house-from the outside only?  What if runs in a loop over and over again in our heads.  Eventually we are worn down.  We do what we vowed not to do.  At first we kick all the piles together.  Then we tell ourselves to behave like a grown-up and pick them up.  We repeat those words.  We can do better we tell ourselves.

Perhaps we believe we have been mistreated.  We fume.  We talk out loud to ourselves about the injustice done to us.  We cry.  We go over the event time and again trying to see where things went south.  Eventually we make a decision.  Part of the challenge came from us.  Maybe we weren't the best friend or partner.  Maybe we did share just an ounce of blame.  After we have examined the situation countless times, we realize it is time to move forward.  We cannot give another minute to the past.  We can't change it.  Our only option is to do better.  Yes, do better.  We make that decision.

These are only two examples where we have the opportunity to do over and better.  We are alive and can do better.  Which brings me to this moment in time in the world.

All of those folks in France last evening had hopes and ambitions.  They had dreams.  They had plans for the next day or next week.  They were enjoying a celebration.  They were the innocents.  As were the innocents who lived their last day in our land during the past months.  Places to be.  People to see.  Children to hug and put to bed with a story and a kiss.  Sweet dreams, they whispered, as they pulled the covers up.

In a blink of an eye, the beat of the heart their ability to do better died.  They did not have the opportunity to right a wrong.  To kiss the wife, husband, child, parent, partner.  They believed they would have another day to do better.  To do that project at work. To open that new store.  To take that award winning photograph.  To visit with that parent in the hospital.  They knew they would have time to accomplish all those things on their radar.  Each of those whose lives were stopped had a life that was waiting for them.

It is difficult to wrap my head and heart around the grief that rests over so many souls.  One minute alive-the next gone.  So sudden and violently.  Never the chance to grab a hand and pull out of harms way.  Never the chance to hold them or love them.  ( I am crying as I write this because my heart cannot hold such grief inside.  It has to come out.)  Break time.

So I ask the question-Can we do better?  Can we ever learn to love?  Why is love so hard?  Why is acceptance of difference impossible in some circles?  What good happens when lives full of potential cease?  How do these vicious acts make our world better?  Can we do better?

Of course we can do better.  But, I have begun to realize that doing better happens in small steps.  It happens when we care about those around us.  When we engage in conversation.  When we hold our beliefs yet attempt to understand anothers.  I think we do better when we reach out to those who need help be that financial or emotional.  Sometimes I want to withdraw into my own little world.  I believe there is safety in that small space.  But, that means I have ceased to live.  I have allowed the world to dictate my life. That I cannot do.  Life is always a chance.

Do I honestly believe we can do better?  Do I believe I can do better?  Loud and clear I shout yes.  I shout that my life will not be lived in fear.  It shall be lived with gusto.  With love and care.  With attention to doing what lifts others.  As long as there is breath in this old body, I shall work at doing better.  There is time to work toward making life better for all.

We can do better.  It won't be easy.  We may need to listen more and talk less.  We may need to sit down with those so very different from us and engage in conversation.  We may need to rethink long held views.  Whatever it takes, we must do better.  Our children deserve a world where they are safe and free to become all they desire to be.

Life is so precious.  We must do better.  It is not an option.

Ramblings

Ramblings--

My mind is dry.  No matter how I try to connect words into sentences, most words remain disconnected, wandering around in my mind trying to find a resting place.  I do that frown that pulls the eye brows down and makes wrinkles appear much sooner than they should.  Think, I tell myself.  Think and extract those thoughts that are tumbling around in the brain.  It is all to no avail.  Thoughts I desire to share will not appear.

Some say this is writer's block.  Could be.  However, I believe it goes much deeper than writer's block.  It goes to the heart and soul of all that has and is happening in the world today.  Sometimes words aren't enough.  That seems to be where I am at this point in time.  So much to share yet unable to share.  I feel the need to speak, to raise my voice and scream why.  Why?  What is accomplished when acts of violence shatter lives?  How is humanity made better when those who have grudges or disagreements with others turn to violence in order to even the score?  Remember when people could talk through their differences?  Maybe retain their beliefs but gain a little understanding of others?  I don't understand.  I simply don't understand.

For sure we have all been upset with another person.  We have refused to speak or spend time. We have chosen to keep our distance.  All of these behaviors and more speak to the art of care. Yes, care.  We have given ourselves time to work through our own prejudices.  In taking time and not attacking, we are showing a great deal of care.  We don't have to agree with everyone.  What we do have to do is refuse to be drawn into the world of hate that explodes into our living/family rooms from endless news casts.  We can turn the channel.  We can read a book or visit with a friend. We can take a meal to someone who is sad.  We can meet with others whose beliefs are so different from ours in an effort to gain understanding.  We can be a bit more open to life.

Actions like these require time.  Time to sit down and listen.  Time to refrain from blame in a conversation. Time to think.  This presents major challenges to our present world.  We want it all now.  Right this moment.   That old term we used to use for children-instant gratification.  Here's the thing about that.  Had we taken a moment to think, we might have made a different, dare I say better, choice.  Time is the one thing we seem to lack.

We fill our lives with activities.  We race from one to the other.  If we can say we are so busy when someone asks about our lives, we believe we have arrived.  Busy is the "in" word. And it is certainly true.  We are busy people.  We have children involved in activities that keep us racing from one event to another.  We have jobs and home and friends and family.  All good things that fill life with memories.  Yet, is it remotely possible that we have lost something amid all the noise of our lives? We simply cannot find the time to sit and listen.  To truly try to understand another point of view or life style that might be different from ours. There it is again.  That aggrevating word-time.  It pulls us up short.  Would someone's life have been better had we had time?  Would our own lives be enriched had we taken time to simply be?  Frustrated with myself over time I have wasted.

It is past time for frustration.  It is time for action.  What action, you ask.  That is your decision.  And mine.  If I know someone needs a listening ear yet refuse to be there, I have missed a chance for a blessing.  I have missed the opportunity to practice my faith in a world that truly needs love and care. Do you believe that a simple smile can change a day?  A moment?  I do.  There have been times when all I desired was human contact.  And when a stranger smiled or opened a door for me, my spirit relaxed a bit.  Caring for others is often just that simple.

A few days ago a friend sent a text telling me of a tragedy that resulted in a death.  She wanted to know if she should go to the house and see the family since she is not a "best friend."  I told her to go.  Grief doesn't care if you are best friends.  People filled with grief need others.  She asked what she might take.  I suggested drinks.  Water, soda, etc.  She put drinks in a cooler with ice and went over.  She later thanked me for 'nudging' her to make that trip immediately.  We think too much before we reach out.  Maybe because we are trying to be careful about another's privacy.  Trying to allow them time when what they desire is a caring spirit.  Caring for others is so personal.  Each of us have so many opportunities.  Think of them as golden moments that allow us to touch another life.  And in return, ours is touched, too.

I fear this is a bit of a ramble.  Going from one thing to another.  It is the best I can do at this point in time.  The fact that any words found their way to this page astounds me.  My soul hurts for all those who died or were injured in Florida.  My heart is broken for the family of the little boy at the water's edge.  My spirit weeps for injustice wherever it appears.  That is the most I can write about those tragic events.  It is too painful to see other's hurts.

What to take away from this?  Not sure.  I will leave that up to each of you.  May we all wallow in our own thoughts and beliefs.  May we question.  May we hold a banner if holding a banner seems right.  May we be available.  May we listen well.  May we withhold blame and reach for understanding.

I am tired of thinking.  Blessings to each of you.

Thoughts on Shop Ownership

Thoughts on Shop Ownership--

What are the good things about having a shop?  There are many.

Meeting new people and making new friends tops the list of shop ownership.  Every time the door opens is another opportunity to enjoy a few minutes visiting and assisting someone in their quest to make their home the best it can be.  We visit about style.  We talk about color.  During these discussions I receive information that will help me when I shop.  Maybe they make a purchase.  Maybe they don't.  My hope is they will add  my shop to their list of favorites and return with friends.

Another perk of shop ownership is seeing friends again.  Life moves all of us.  We move away. We lose contact with people we have known for years.  The shop is a reason to reconnect.  To visit again. To learn what is happening in the lives of people who shared our space once upon a time.  It is a time to laugh together or share a tear because of loss.  What joy when those from our past walk through the door.  We smile and hug and talk.  A precious time.

Of course, my hope is that items in the shop find a new home.  I carefully select each item.  Only those things that I would allow in my home come to live in the shop.  Perhaps this is not the most professional way to run a small business.  But, it is the way mine is run.  I won't sell something that I know is wrong for a friend's home.  Purchases keep the bills paid.  That is a fact.  However, this shop isn't just about the money. It is about helping others make their nests perfect.  If someone finds an item they have been searching for, my goals for the shop are realized.

I view the shop as an extension of my life.  Another journey taken.  A dream realized.  Will it succeed?  I believe it has already succeeded.  It started as a thought, an idea.  It moved to a plan.  That plan became a reality.  And now I have the wonderful opportunity to open the doors twice a week and invite the outside world in.  Some have asked why I decided to do this at this particular stage in my life.  My answer is why not.  Why not learn something new.  Why not take a chance.  Why not move away from what is known to the unknown.  Why not embrace life in a different way.  Why not stretch my mind.  It isn't about years of life.  It is life being lived in a new way.  It is being willing to risk knowing that all of life is risk.

Certainly there are challenges.  But, I have found that people are willling and eager to help when they know their skill and talent is needed.  Friends and strangers who have become friends have offered their assistance to help me get this shop off the ground.  They have spent hours of their own time doing what I cannot do.  And because of them my dream is realized.  People are good.  Yes, they are.

My suggestion for each of you is this.  If something knocks on your heart's door, listen.  Maybe open the door a bit to examine what is on the other side.  Close the door if the time is not right, but don't lock it.  Leave it open a crack.  You never know when the time will be perfect for your dream to take form and live.  It may begin as a hobby.  It may begin as a plan written in a notebook or journal.  Whatever form it takes, welcome the creative process.  Who knows.  One day you may find yourself opening yourself to a new venture.

Just like me.

Shopping, Shopping, Shopping

Shopping, Shopping, Shopping


  Daffodil Lane has kept me running.  Something leaves the shop.  Something comes in. Shopping, shopping, shopping.  Near and far.  In state and out. Searching for the right items is challenging.  Who would want this?  What group would this appeal to?  Questions.  Questions. Questions.  Take one thing.  Leave another.  Did I make the right decision?  Miles on the truck.  Miles on me.

Am I complaining?  Not one bit.  You see, when you set your mind to achieve a dream, all the work is part of the process.   The cost is counted before the action begins.  Actually, it is a huge learning curve.  Forms must be filed, numbers granted by the state.  Space located.  Weeks pass as more work is done.  Painting, cleaning.  Bringing in the items for sale comes close to last.

Opening day arrives.  With no idea if anyone will grace the doors, it opens.  There is a sense of accomplishment.  The dream-reality.  People give warnings.  They say things like they hope it works. They hope it isn't a failure.  Most offer positive encouragement.  Interesting the take on other's dreams.

Here is what I think about the failure comment.  Failure occurs when a dream remains a dream.  There is absolutely no opportunity to fail when nothing is attempted.  To be fair, not all people are wired to take risks.  The absolute fear that would accompany risk keeps some rooted in their present spot.  I get that.  Personally, I applaud those who take risks, and those who don't.  It's not a good/bad thing.

Failure?  Never gave that a thought.  When I look around at my little shop, I celebrate all the hours and hours of planning.  Time spent engaged with other people who also had a dream and worked to see it become their reality. All the conversations with other women who never stop moving forward brings me joy.  They reach out for that next adventure.  They embrace all that a new thing brings.  And when that part of life is passed, they move on.  You see, nothing is forever.

  Already I have met wonderful people.  People who came to shop and stayed to talk.  To visit about life and things that have real meaning.  To say that success is measured by the amount of money banked at the end of a work day misses the point.  Certainly it is necessary to pay all the bills.  And have money left over to do that endless shopping.  However, the real value in this for me is the ability to help others make their homes and lives better.  To make their homes a place of refuge from life.  It is also about valuing each person who walks through the doors of Daffodil Lane.  To see each one as a new friend.  To learn.  To listen.

Even when no one is shopping, I feel a sense of pride in the knowledge that my husband and I created something new from nothing.  We are a team. We work together.  We took an idea and ran with it.  I am so proud of us for not giving up when we had hurdles to cross.  We kept moving forward toward the dream.  And now it is here.

I am writing this in my little shop.  It is quiet.  I am surrounded by pretty things.  It makes my heart smile to know that maybe someone will come in and find that one or two things that will make their heart smile, too.

Was it worth it?  Absolutely.  You bet.  As with all things in life, it will have its day.  And while it has that day, I will enjoy every minute.

The Black Lid

The Black Lid-

For the past four weeks we have been quite busy putting a store together.  In case anyone says there is nothing to doing that, let me be the first to smack them up beside the head. It is work.  From beginning to end.  But, it is enjoyable work.

Four walls, some openings for doors, a ceiling and a floor presented themselves.  How could I pull this together into a store?  Bit by bit it took shape.  The flower unfolded and blossomed right in front of me.  However, all of that time spent in that place meant things at home did not get done.  Laundry remained unfolded, a washer full of washed clothes  lost that newly washed scent.  One more go-around for that load. And the floors-it was time to get the old broom out and round up all those dust bunnies.

So, with broom in hand I headed for the farthest room pushing all the bunnies toward the common area where the dust pan awaited.  The job was nearly completed when I decided to open the door to the pantry and give it a quick swipe with the broom.  All was well until I spotted what appeared to me to be a lid.  It was rectangular in shape.  Black in color.  Must have missed the garbage can, I thought.  Nothing to do but shove the broom into the deepest part of the pantry floor and retrieve the lid.

I knew trouble was afoot when the broom seemed stuck to the lid.  Probably something sticky in the container it belonged to.  Pulling the broom out of the pantry, I put my big toe on the black lid.  My big toes are quite large.  My brother-in-law called them obscene.  That might be a slight exaggeration.  Nevertheless, they are substantial in size.

It seemed strange to me when my big toe stuck on the lid.  Now the straws on the broom and my big toe were stuck.  I shook them, pulled at them.  They were firmly held on the lid.  You have probably figured this out by now.  My husband had placed one of those sticky pads in the far back of the pantry to catch any critter that might wander into that space.  Like a mouse.  A mouse was not stuck on that pad.  The broom and I were.

It took quite a bit of effort to get my toe off that pad.  When my toe came off, yucky, sticky stuff came off with it.  One of our family was doubled over in laughter.  One wasn't.  The laughing one had to do the pulling to free me from my trap.  Then the real trouble began.That sticky stuff came off the pad with my toe.  The entire bottom of my toe and my fingers that tried to free the toe were sticking to everything.  My fingers were sticking together.  My toe was sticking to the floor.  What to do?

Warm water and soap did not help one bit.  Finger nail polish remover was useless.  So I tried rubbing the sticky off.  Nope.  Wouldn't budge.  I scrubbed my hands under hot water and eventually they began to return to normal. Not so with the toe.  Could not put socks on.  They caught on the sticky and stayed.  Finally, the one who laughed suggested a bandaid. Maybe I could put a bandaid over the worse part of it and go about my business.  It seemed only fair that he be the one to locate one for me.  During this process I do believe socks were thrown at the offender.

After wrapping the bandaid around my big toe, I was able to pull on a tennis shoe.  However, my toe stuck to the bottom of the shoe.  At least I had a shoe on.  I could go about my business.  And the one who laughed could use that broom and dust pan to collect all the dirt that lay in a pile next to the pantry door.

Ok.  I have to admit that during the process I laughed.  A lot.  As I write this, I am chuckling.  It was one funny moment.  Me with my foot in the air with a black lid hanging from it.  And a broom that was held as firmly as I was.

What lesson was learned?  Let someone else do the sweeping!