Friday, November 21, 2014
A Rich Life
A Rich Life--
Rich is a word that has many meanings. In today's world it is used to designate the 1% who control the biggest chunk of money/assets. At least that is the connotation one understands when listening to the news or reading certain publications. That 1% has it all. All the money, the multiple homes, private jets, expensive jewelry, stocks that pay huge dividends, classy automobiles, the finest in clothing. Yes, the 1% do enjoy the finer things in life if finer is defined as material possessions.
While I am sure there are many greedy people in that small percentage, my guess is there are many who live charitable lives. They give back from what they have been given. Certainly not all of the 1% are money grubbing people wishing to make life miserable for those who do not have what they have.
But, this is not written for that small group of people. I seriously doubt that one of that group would ever come in contact with anything I write. Hey--there is a challenge in those words. Wonder if I could get someone to actually read a blog or a book? Hmmmmm..I shall have to give this some thought. I love a challenge.
This is written for all the rest of us. Those of us who actually have more than enough to live a full life. Those of us who have bills but manage to pay them and help others, too. Those of us who see life from a different playing field.
So, what is a rich life? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How can you tell if your life or anyone's life is rich? Is there a certain look? Do we observe certain behaviors that give us a little peek into a rich life? So many questions. And they are actually easy to answer.
From where I stand, there are many ways to identify a rich life. Most of them have nothing to do with personal finances or address. They have to do with a life that is characterized by a welcoming spirit. No one is excluded. All are welcome. Another give-away is the quality of relationships that bless lives. Those who possess a rich life--by my definition--are those who desire to be of help to others. They may never speak of the good they have done. Others knowing is not important. What is important is they saw a need and were able to meet it.
Sometimes these folks spend a portion of their day meditating or reading their Bible or other religious books. They seek that peace that comes from listening to their spirits. They desire to live a full life-one that welcomes whatever each day brings. Now, I don't mean they welcome illness or tragedy. They know that these things come into lives unannounced. When these types of challenges happen, they are surrounded by friends and family who have shared their rich life. They have experienced their goodness. They have probably eaten at their table, shared stories, solved problems.
Some who live rich lives become leaders. Others are content to lead from the back. Both are needed. Both fulfill necessary functions. I am content to put the chairs in a row for a group meeting. I don't always feel the need to be up front. There is a sweetness in making things good for others. In taking care of the grunt work. In being available for the lowest jobs. At other times, I enjoy sharing what I have learned or experienced.
A rich life is probably full of people. Full of laughter, shared tears, shared dreams both fun-filled and broken. A rich life is grateful and thankful all the time. It sees that glass as neither half empty or half full, but overflowing. It experiences joy in seeing children laughing and playing, in observing wildflowers growing along the roadside, in greeting a friend. It accepts what is while at the same time reaches for that next step. It does not hold grudges but seeks to make peace. It doesn't keep score. There is no joy in that for anyone.
A rich life--beautiful to see, beautiful to experience. Something to reach for-something to cherish.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
An Idea for Doing Good
An Idea for Doing Good-
Something happened that I believe is worth sharing. In fact, it might even be called a model.
During a sermon at our church, our pastor said these words. "Share the Love." Those words went straight to my heart. I have no idea what he said after those words or before them. He used that sentence in the middle of his message. Simple words. An imperative sentence. A command.
That afternoon I sat thinking about those words. How could I share the love? What action should I take? Was I missing something simple that I could do for others? Was it possible that I was refusing to see need even when I could offer help? These and other thoughts rumbled around in my brain trying to find a place to rest. But rest was not found. Instead I continued to think. What? Who? Where? When? How?
Slowly an idea began to form. Why hadn't I thought of it before? Here is what happened in a very short time. Someone suggested it could be a model for others. Please let me know if you decide to Share the Love!
I contacted 25 of my women friends.
I asked them if they would be willing to join me in purchasing 100 pairs of undies for women in a shelter for abused women.
I set a date for either picking them up or having them dropped off at my house.
That was it. We collected 110 pairs of undies in a week. Most of these women are employed so I offered to purchase for them knowing how busy life is for moms with children. Some asked me to take care of it for them.
And then the decision was made to continue the project.
Each person would donate $10 a month. Since there were 25 of us, that meant we could gift women/children with $250 each month. Ten dollars doesn't go very far, but $250 does. So, everyone donated $10, and we made another donation to Healthy Start. This is a group that helps young girls who are pregnant receive training and care during pregnancy and mentoring for two years after they give birth.
We decided to keep it going.
Then one of our members died quite suddenly. Such saddness. But, because of Susie, people sent memorials to our little group of 25 women. So, we have been able to give away over $1000 to help women and children.
We have no bank account. We are not a not- for- profit. We are simply a group of caring women who wish to help other women who find themselves in need. Each month we will have at least $250 to give away.
Would you and your friends be willing to take the challenge of doing something so simple that has such impact on the lives of others in need? Ten dollars a month goes a long way when it is put together with other ten dollars. I can almost see the faces of those who receive. Oh--we don't use our names. We simply gift. After all, it isn't about us.
We set up a private group on Facebook so we can communicate our thoughts. We share our ideas for gifting on that site.
I have thrown this idea out there into the universe. Please share with me if you decide to use this model to do good in your neighborhood. What a blessing it has been for all of us.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Need a Renovation?
Need a Renovation?
Ever think you need a renovation? Seems like everything in our world is renovated at least two or three times. What was old becomes new again. Or so they say. I think it is a vicious cycle. Those in control of the trendy colors, furniture, appliances and everything else that is part of a house know how to get into our pocketbooks. First, they make us doubt. We begin to think about what could be more modern in our house. It might begin by spending time in home decor magazines. Doesn't take long for what we saw to become what we need. At that point it is all over.
Our house needed so much work when we purchased it. Over the years we have done a little here and a little there. We have changed colors, changed flooring, changed windows, added to. It actually would have been easier to buy a new home. I do think about that. A new home with large rooms. What joy to have multiple seating areas. Or to have a real dining room. Or bedrooms that are spacious and gracious.
But, we are probably here for the long haul. We love our little place in the country. Warts and all. Small rooms and all. It is true. We may have reached the end of renovations...
What about you and me? Do we ever think we need a renovation? Would a little tuck here and there make us better? Bring us to a better place in life? What about a face lift? Would that make us young again? Would our new face match our hands or arms or neck? Guess the neck can be done when the face is pulled tightly behind our ears. What about boobs? Are we sexy when our girls are lifted?
If I weren't so afraid of surgery, I might decide to pick a couple of those mentioned things and go for it. But the thought of surgery makes my blood run cold. If changing yourelf makes you feel better, I say go for it. I will watch you do it. I will tell you how wonderful you look. I will celebrate with you. And then I will look in the mirror and sigh. The wrinkles are getting deeper. Bags are more difficult to camouflague. Laugh lines outline my eyes. Sigh...
Yes, I could use a renovation. However, more important than the outward self is the inner self. That is where the real work begins. Prejudices that I know are just under the skin need to be cut away. Criticism about things I don't understand or agree with has the power to take over my thoughts at times. Those are just two of the projects I can take on at any time. They are outdated. They are not trendy. Actually, I do work on those and others. Just like my house, when I stand back and observe, I see areas that need a little lift. Need to be updated. Need to be replaced. For me, that is where the real work lies.
Absolutely I will use creams. I will cleanse. I will moisturize. I will use age fighting cosmetics. Why not? I do want to put my best face forward. I love it when someone tells me I am aging well. Even when they aren't wearing their glasses.
Renovation gives us the opportunity to make changes. To rethink how we want something to look.
To update so that our life is enriched. To take something worn and replace it with something new. And just as our homes are never finished, neither are we. We can always be better. We can always make changes that draw people to us rather than repel them. We can examine our lives with a critical eye and then use what we learned to give ourselves a fresh start.
It takes a plan. First, we see what is. Then, we decide what to do to make things better, Finally, we do the work to make the change a reality. After all the work, it is time to sit back and enjoy the new and improved--home and self.
Ever think you need a renovation? Seems like everything in our world is renovated at least two or three times. What was old becomes new again. Or so they say. I think it is a vicious cycle. Those in control of the trendy colors, furniture, appliances and everything else that is part of a house know how to get into our pocketbooks. First, they make us doubt. We begin to think about what could be more modern in our house. It might begin by spending time in home decor magazines. Doesn't take long for what we saw to become what we need. At that point it is all over.
Our house needed so much work when we purchased it. Over the years we have done a little here and a little there. We have changed colors, changed flooring, changed windows, added to. It actually would have been easier to buy a new home. I do think about that. A new home with large rooms. What joy to have multiple seating areas. Or to have a real dining room. Or bedrooms that are spacious and gracious.
But, we are probably here for the long haul. We love our little place in the country. Warts and all. Small rooms and all. It is true. We may have reached the end of renovations...
What about you and me? Do we ever think we need a renovation? Would a little tuck here and there make us better? Bring us to a better place in life? What about a face lift? Would that make us young again? Would our new face match our hands or arms or neck? Guess the neck can be done when the face is pulled tightly behind our ears. What about boobs? Are we sexy when our girls are lifted?
If I weren't so afraid of surgery, I might decide to pick a couple of those mentioned things and go for it. But the thought of surgery makes my blood run cold. If changing yourelf makes you feel better, I say go for it. I will watch you do it. I will tell you how wonderful you look. I will celebrate with you. And then I will look in the mirror and sigh. The wrinkles are getting deeper. Bags are more difficult to camouflague. Laugh lines outline my eyes. Sigh...
Yes, I could use a renovation. However, more important than the outward self is the inner self. That is where the real work begins. Prejudices that I know are just under the skin need to be cut away. Criticism about things I don't understand or agree with has the power to take over my thoughts at times. Those are just two of the projects I can take on at any time. They are outdated. They are not trendy. Actually, I do work on those and others. Just like my house, when I stand back and observe, I see areas that need a little lift. Need to be updated. Need to be replaced. For me, that is where the real work lies.
Absolutely I will use creams. I will cleanse. I will moisturize. I will use age fighting cosmetics. Why not? I do want to put my best face forward. I love it when someone tells me I am aging well. Even when they aren't wearing their glasses.
Renovation gives us the opportunity to make changes. To rethink how we want something to look.
To update so that our life is enriched. To take something worn and replace it with something new. And just as our homes are never finished, neither are we. We can always be better. We can always make changes that draw people to us rather than repel them. We can examine our lives with a critical eye and then use what we learned to give ourselves a fresh start.
It takes a plan. First, we see what is. Then, we decide what to do to make things better, Finally, we do the work to make the change a reality. After all the work, it is time to sit back and enjoy the new and improved--home and self.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Incredible Women
Incredible Women
I have the most incredible women friends. They enrich my life in so many ways. They are talented, intelligent, caring, fun-loving people. They are different from one another, yet they share one thing in common. They love helping others. And because they love helping others who need help, I asked them to join me in a special project. We call our project Share the Love. The interesting thing about this group of amazing women is many don't know one another. We live in different towns, work in different places, attend different churches. Yet, we all came together to do this one thing-help other women.
All it took was one email. One email inviting them to join me in sharing what we have with women who are less fortunate. One email. That is the type of friends I have. They responded immediately in such a positive way. And Share the Love was born.
My husband and I have lived in several states. Moving teaches you many things. One of the lessons is if you want to have friends, you have to take the first step. You have to spend time together. You have to communicate. You have to share some interests. You cannot wait for others to knock on your door. You must be willing to do the door knocking. Of course, not everyone you meet will become a best buddy. But over the years many have.
I have spent time with each of the women in this group. We have shared stories about kids and jobs and life. We have laughed together and cried together. We have talked for hours at a time. We have shared a bottle--or two--of wine. We have attended events together. Because of this, I felt good about asking them to join me in this project.
Because we have shared life in so many ways, it seemed natural to ask them to walk down this path with me. I know them. I know their heart. I know their goodness. Isn't that what life is about? Sharing it with others?
Know what? There is always room for one more friend. One more special person who can teach me something new. One more woman who has stories to share. One more. Then one more. And another. As I am writing this, my heart is so full with joy just thinking about how much better I am as a person because all these incredible women walked into my life. I hope I have given something in return that has blessed them.
Our project is called Share the Love. But, we have opportunities every single day to share love and care with those who come into our lives. It is not limited to a project. It is much bigger than any project. It is life happening.
I have the most incredible women friends. They enrich my life in so many ways. They are talented, intelligent, caring, fun-loving people. They are different from one another, yet they share one thing in common. They love helping others. And because they love helping others who need help, I asked them to join me in a special project. We call our project Share the Love. The interesting thing about this group of amazing women is many don't know one another. We live in different towns, work in different places, attend different churches. Yet, we all came together to do this one thing-help other women.
All it took was one email. One email inviting them to join me in sharing what we have with women who are less fortunate. One email. That is the type of friends I have. They responded immediately in such a positive way. And Share the Love was born.
My husband and I have lived in several states. Moving teaches you many things. One of the lessons is if you want to have friends, you have to take the first step. You have to spend time together. You have to communicate. You have to share some interests. You cannot wait for others to knock on your door. You must be willing to do the door knocking. Of course, not everyone you meet will become a best buddy. But over the years many have.
I have spent time with each of the women in this group. We have shared stories about kids and jobs and life. We have laughed together and cried together. We have talked for hours at a time. We have shared a bottle--or two--of wine. We have attended events together. Because of this, I felt good about asking them to join me in this project.
Because we have shared life in so many ways, it seemed natural to ask them to walk down this path with me. I know them. I know their heart. I know their goodness. Isn't that what life is about? Sharing it with others?
Know what? There is always room for one more friend. One more special person who can teach me something new. One more woman who has stories to share. One more. Then one more. And another. As I am writing this, my heart is so full with joy just thinking about how much better I am as a person because all these incredible women walked into my life. I hope I have given something in return that has blessed them.
Our project is called Share the Love. But, we have opportunities every single day to share love and care with those who come into our lives. It is not limited to a project. It is much bigger than any project. It is life happening.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
The Gift of Time
The Gift of Time
Do you know the greatest gift-besides love-that we all receive? It doesn't cost us one penny. It is with us everyday, every minute. It never demands anything. It moves quietly. Do you give up?
It is time. We throw that word around all the time. See? There is is. We say we will do something when we have time. We watch clocks to see what time it is. We remind ourselves that we really do have enough time to get to work--on time. Sometimes we waste time. We do nothing. Is it really possible to do nothing? Or do we find ourselves thinking while we are wasting time?
We might find ourselves saying we don't have time to do a particular task when what we really mean is we don't want to do it. We blame time. After all, time doesn't talk back. We can get away with that excuse-sometimes. How many times have you heard youself say these words: "I have told you time and time again." We use that word all the time.....sorry.
Time is a gift. We can use time to turn things around. If we have caused harm, time may help us correct the mistake. When we realize we are on the wrong road for our lives, time is our friend. We can take time to study what would make our lives better. When we question, time allows us to seek answers. Time doesn't judge our behavior. It simply is.
There are times when we desperately want more time. When someone we love is ill, we pray for time. A few more months, weeks, days, minutes. We beg for time to share life. To care for our person. We want time to be on our side. If only we can be granted a little more of that precious commodity, we will be different people. And we mean it.
Breaking our lives into frames of time helps us achieve all that we set our hearts to achieve. We know when we should be up and about. When we should be at work. When to pick up the kids. When to start dinner. When, when, when. Time orders our lives. Wonder what it would be like to live with no clocks or calendars to keep us on schedule? Time can be a tyrant. Or, maybe we are the tyrant trying to fit everything into time.
From our beginning to our ending, we receive that gift of time. It is like our second skin. It moves with us through our days. A constant. During our joys, it is with us. During our pain, it is there. We can depend on it. It never decides to take a vacation or gets mad and walks away.
Eventually, our time will cease to be. Our moment will end. But, time will continue. So, it seems to me that while we have that wonderful gift, we should use it up. We should enjoy life. We should laugh more. We should love more. We should relax more. We should share life with our special people more. We should learn new things. We should welcome new people into our lives. The list of what we can and might do with our time is a never ending list.
Know what? It is time for me to bring this to a close. I am so grateful for the time to share a little of life with each of you. After all, all we ever really have is time.
Do you know the greatest gift-besides love-that we all receive? It doesn't cost us one penny. It is with us everyday, every minute. It never demands anything. It moves quietly. Do you give up?
It is time. We throw that word around all the time. See? There is is. We say we will do something when we have time. We watch clocks to see what time it is. We remind ourselves that we really do have enough time to get to work--on time. Sometimes we waste time. We do nothing. Is it really possible to do nothing? Or do we find ourselves thinking while we are wasting time?
We might find ourselves saying we don't have time to do a particular task when what we really mean is we don't want to do it. We blame time. After all, time doesn't talk back. We can get away with that excuse-sometimes. How many times have you heard youself say these words: "I have told you time and time again." We use that word all the time.....sorry.
Time is a gift. We can use time to turn things around. If we have caused harm, time may help us correct the mistake. When we realize we are on the wrong road for our lives, time is our friend. We can take time to study what would make our lives better. When we question, time allows us to seek answers. Time doesn't judge our behavior. It simply is.
There are times when we desperately want more time. When someone we love is ill, we pray for time. A few more months, weeks, days, minutes. We beg for time to share life. To care for our person. We want time to be on our side. If only we can be granted a little more of that precious commodity, we will be different people. And we mean it.
Breaking our lives into frames of time helps us achieve all that we set our hearts to achieve. We know when we should be up and about. When we should be at work. When to pick up the kids. When to start dinner. When, when, when. Time orders our lives. Wonder what it would be like to live with no clocks or calendars to keep us on schedule? Time can be a tyrant. Or, maybe we are the tyrant trying to fit everything into time.
From our beginning to our ending, we receive that gift of time. It is like our second skin. It moves with us through our days. A constant. During our joys, it is with us. During our pain, it is there. We can depend on it. It never decides to take a vacation or gets mad and walks away.
Eventually, our time will cease to be. Our moment will end. But, time will continue. So, it seems to me that while we have that wonderful gift, we should use it up. We should enjoy life. We should laugh more. We should love more. We should relax more. We should share life with our special people more. We should learn new things. We should welcome new people into our lives. The list of what we can and might do with our time is a never ending list.
Know what? It is time for me to bring this to a close. I am so grateful for the time to share a little of life with each of you. After all, all we ever really have is time.
What We Love--What We Grieve
What We Love-What We Grieve--
Aren't people just the best? While I love chocolate, skinny vanilla lattes, classical piano, crisp autumn days and so much more, my absolute favorite thing in this world is people.
I love friendly nods from strangers as we meet one another entering a store. I love hugs from friends when we say hi and when we say goodbye. I love grandchildren who are the light of my life. I love times shared with friends over a cup of coffee. I love sharing a bottle of wine--yes, a bottle--with a friend as we talk and talk and talk. I love emails from people I cherish. I love sending emails to friends and family sharing life stories. I love making new friends anywhere I find myself. I love listening without thinking about my response. I love watching others do kindness when they don't know they are being watched. You know what I mean. A parent teaching a child and using such tenderness and kindness to do it.
I don't love saying goodbye to people I love. Saying goodbye leaves a hole deep inside. I know you don't either. We remember the sound of their laughter. We remember the sound of their voice. We remember the twinkle in their eye when they were extremely happy. We remember the struggles and challenges that were part of their life. We remember how they filled a room with their being. We remember their thoughtful questions and loving spirit.
We might also remember that we were on their short list once in awhile. Maybe we did something or said something that made them look sideways at us. Maybe they disapproved of a decision. But, we always knew they loved us. We always knew we had a spot in their heart and life. We always knew.
I don't want to say goodbye to Susie tomorrow. I really don't. I want her to come to book study and share her life with us some more. I want her to tell us about her flying experiences. I want to learn about her gardens. We have that in common. We spent time talking about plants. I shared with her that I have at least 500 hosta. She had them, too, in the yard of the house before this one. I want to hear stories about her puppy-the one that ate my book. Yes, he did.
But, that won't happen. Others have left too soon, too. I miss them. What I will remember is how fun they all were. How tickled I was to spend a little time with them. How much I learned from each one.
So, since there is no choice, I will remember fondly the times spent. The smile. The twinkle in the eye. The hand thrown up waving goodbye. And my heart will rejoice because I knew the best!
Aren't people just the best? While I love chocolate, skinny vanilla lattes, classical piano, crisp autumn days and so much more, my absolute favorite thing in this world is people.
I love friendly nods from strangers as we meet one another entering a store. I love hugs from friends when we say hi and when we say goodbye. I love grandchildren who are the light of my life. I love times shared with friends over a cup of coffee. I love sharing a bottle of wine--yes, a bottle--with a friend as we talk and talk and talk. I love emails from people I cherish. I love sending emails to friends and family sharing life stories. I love making new friends anywhere I find myself. I love listening without thinking about my response. I love watching others do kindness when they don't know they are being watched. You know what I mean. A parent teaching a child and using such tenderness and kindness to do it.
I don't love saying goodbye to people I love. Saying goodbye leaves a hole deep inside. I know you don't either. We remember the sound of their laughter. We remember the sound of their voice. We remember the twinkle in their eye when they were extremely happy. We remember the struggles and challenges that were part of their life. We remember how they filled a room with their being. We remember their thoughtful questions and loving spirit.
We might also remember that we were on their short list once in awhile. Maybe we did something or said something that made them look sideways at us. Maybe they disapproved of a decision. But, we always knew they loved us. We always knew we had a spot in their heart and life. We always knew.
I don't want to say goodbye to Susie tomorrow. I really don't. I want her to come to book study and share her life with us some more. I want her to tell us about her flying experiences. I want to learn about her gardens. We have that in common. We spent time talking about plants. I shared with her that I have at least 500 hosta. She had them, too, in the yard of the house before this one. I want to hear stories about her puppy-the one that ate my book. Yes, he did.
But, that won't happen. Others have left too soon, too. I miss them. What I will remember is how fun they all were. How tickled I was to spend a little time with them. How much I learned from each one.
So, since there is no choice, I will remember fondly the times spent. The smile. The twinkle in the eye. The hand thrown up waving goodbye. And my heart will rejoice because I knew the best!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Communication-or the Lack Of
Communication-or the Lack Of
Lately I have been finding notes from months and years ago in journals. For instance, when I wrote about patterns of behavior, I found those notes on a napkin. I remember having the idea in a restaurant and using the napkin as my writing space. The temporary/eternal blog idea came from a study group. I could go down the list and name the places/experiences that prompted the blogs that I write. My hope is that as I work through my own thoughts, you have the opportunity to work through yours as well.
However, no life experience prepares us for the loss of a loved one or a friend. Those come, and we simply have no choice but to walk through them. We can't go around. That is what my friend's family is experiencing right now. Yet, even in this most difficult time, they have shown an amazing grace and care for others.
Which makes me think about relationships. And communication. There really cannot be a relationship if there is no communication. Trying to go about life like that is like playing a game. We smile and say the right things, but we never really know the other person. That is one of the saddest things that can happen in life--for me. I desire to be in relationship with everyone I meet. Now, I don't mean a close relationship. What I mean is one that shares a little bit of life and enjoys the process. One that is genuine and sincere. One that wishes well to everyone. One that holds no grudges. One that accepts the good and works to figure out the challenges.
Communication is the essential ingredient to any relationship. We all pass through stages in life. We have friends who come into our lives for a little bit and then move on. That is expected. They bring their gift of friendship to our lives for an amount of time. We remember them fondly.
Not all communication fosters healthy relationships. Maybe what I really mean is lack of communication. I have never figured out why anyone would want to withhold friendship without first giving it a good try. Certainly not everyone enjoys the same activities. And not everyone has the same beliefs. But, that should be a starting point-not an ending one. The choice to jump in and enjoy another person is a gift we give to ourselves. Who doesn't like gifts?
When people refuse to visit about concerns, relationships fail. I find that to be so hard. It has happened to me. Sometimes I have refused to visit about concerns because I don't want to upset the other person. Looking back, I believe that to be an unfair way to deal with life. We all have concerns at one time or other. We all feel misunderstood at times. Holding those feeling inside only makes us more miserable. I would guess that most communication errors have easy fixes if we would simply decide that there are two sides to every story--maybe even more than two. Great misunderstanding occurs when we hold on to our little side of a story and never listen or talk about it. At least not with the person who is the offender. We so misjudge others, don't we?
I am so fortunate to have friends who visit with me about their life concerns and allow me to share in their life stories. We learn much from each other. There are times when I need them to listen to me, too. Not having much family close to where I live means friends fill a huge void. I am so grateful for the women in my life. Women need one another. We need to laugh and visit and make plans for fun times. My friends and I enjoy conversation that is sometimes challenging. We don't always agree. Isn't that great? We learn so much more through honest discussion. And a glass or two of wine doesn't hurt either!
There are times when we cannot cross the bridge to good communication. We may desire it, but the other person does not. While that is hurtful and discouraging, it is life happening. We do ourselves tremendous harm by dwelling on what we wish could be but isn't. We have to move on to healthy relationships. We must not feel we failed. Sometimes we aren't another person's cup of tea. Course, we never understand that, do we? Reality bites!
I received such kind thoughts from the blog about my friend Susie. That is because we all cherish our friendships. We understand that people are the only thing that truly matters. We know that how we treat others is the mark of who we are. And probably because we have all experienced loss in our lives.
As I move closer to the end of my life, my desire is to enjoy people to the fullest. To celebrate them. To help when I can. To move back when I realize I am not wanted. To understand that life is a one time go around. There is no time for the ugly. To open my life to what might be ready to enter. To rejoice in other's successes. To cry when failure occurs. To hold a hand when life hurts. To share a concert or a play or a trip with people who have life in common.
Yes, there will still be times when I will be misunderstood. I pray for time to talk when that occurs. I pray for peace and love to overcome anger and frustration. I pray for moments when my heart is so full of joy I can hardly contain it. I pray that for you as well. That life brings you exactly who you need at the moment of your need. And that we all work on our communication skills so that no one in this world is ever without a listening ear or a caring friend.
Lately I have been finding notes from months and years ago in journals. For instance, when I wrote about patterns of behavior, I found those notes on a napkin. I remember having the idea in a restaurant and using the napkin as my writing space. The temporary/eternal blog idea came from a study group. I could go down the list and name the places/experiences that prompted the blogs that I write. My hope is that as I work through my own thoughts, you have the opportunity to work through yours as well.
However, no life experience prepares us for the loss of a loved one or a friend. Those come, and we simply have no choice but to walk through them. We can't go around. That is what my friend's family is experiencing right now. Yet, even in this most difficult time, they have shown an amazing grace and care for others.
Which makes me think about relationships. And communication. There really cannot be a relationship if there is no communication. Trying to go about life like that is like playing a game. We smile and say the right things, but we never really know the other person. That is one of the saddest things that can happen in life--for me. I desire to be in relationship with everyone I meet. Now, I don't mean a close relationship. What I mean is one that shares a little bit of life and enjoys the process. One that is genuine and sincere. One that wishes well to everyone. One that holds no grudges. One that accepts the good and works to figure out the challenges.
Communication is the essential ingredient to any relationship. We all pass through stages in life. We have friends who come into our lives for a little bit and then move on. That is expected. They bring their gift of friendship to our lives for an amount of time. We remember them fondly.
Not all communication fosters healthy relationships. Maybe what I really mean is lack of communication. I have never figured out why anyone would want to withhold friendship without first giving it a good try. Certainly not everyone enjoys the same activities. And not everyone has the same beliefs. But, that should be a starting point-not an ending one. The choice to jump in and enjoy another person is a gift we give to ourselves. Who doesn't like gifts?
When people refuse to visit about concerns, relationships fail. I find that to be so hard. It has happened to me. Sometimes I have refused to visit about concerns because I don't want to upset the other person. Looking back, I believe that to be an unfair way to deal with life. We all have concerns at one time or other. We all feel misunderstood at times. Holding those feeling inside only makes us more miserable. I would guess that most communication errors have easy fixes if we would simply decide that there are two sides to every story--maybe even more than two. Great misunderstanding occurs when we hold on to our little side of a story and never listen or talk about it. At least not with the person who is the offender. We so misjudge others, don't we?
I am so fortunate to have friends who visit with me about their life concerns and allow me to share in their life stories. We learn much from each other. There are times when I need them to listen to me, too. Not having much family close to where I live means friends fill a huge void. I am so grateful for the women in my life. Women need one another. We need to laugh and visit and make plans for fun times. My friends and I enjoy conversation that is sometimes challenging. We don't always agree. Isn't that great? We learn so much more through honest discussion. And a glass or two of wine doesn't hurt either!
There are times when we cannot cross the bridge to good communication. We may desire it, but the other person does not. While that is hurtful and discouraging, it is life happening. We do ourselves tremendous harm by dwelling on what we wish could be but isn't. We have to move on to healthy relationships. We must not feel we failed. Sometimes we aren't another person's cup of tea. Course, we never understand that, do we? Reality bites!
I received such kind thoughts from the blog about my friend Susie. That is because we all cherish our friendships. We understand that people are the only thing that truly matters. We know that how we treat others is the mark of who we are. And probably because we have all experienced loss in our lives.
As I move closer to the end of my life, my desire is to enjoy people to the fullest. To celebrate them. To help when I can. To move back when I realize I am not wanted. To understand that life is a one time go around. There is no time for the ugly. To open my life to what might be ready to enter. To rejoice in other's successes. To cry when failure occurs. To hold a hand when life hurts. To share a concert or a play or a trip with people who have life in common.
Yes, there will still be times when I will be misunderstood. I pray for time to talk when that occurs. I pray for peace and love to overcome anger and frustration. I pray for moments when my heart is so full of joy I can hardly contain it. I pray that for you as well. That life brings you exactly who you need at the moment of your need. And that we all work on our communication skills so that no one in this world is ever without a listening ear or a caring friend.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
My Friend, Susie
My Friend Susie
Yesterday my friend, Susie, died.
Life is so interesting. Sometimes we know people for years and years. Sometimes we know them for only a moment but feel we have known them forever.
I met Susie on her driveway. I was driving in circles in a neighborhood looking for a particular street. After ten or so minutes of looking, I saw a woman walking to her mailbox. I stopped and explained that I was looking for a street but couldn't find it. She said she had a map of the neighborhood and would bring it out. Over the hood of my car, we located the street.
But as often happens, we began a conversation. We talked about flowers, plants, neighborhoods. Eventually we got around to discussing why I was looking for that street. I explained that I was delivering one of my books. She asked if I had one to show her. I did. And she bought it. Later she bought the first one I wrote.
Months later she shared with me that she read an essay every morning when she had her quiet Bible time. She said she had read the books three times each already. I was so honored that I asked her to write a review for my new book which comes out in mid November. She wrote a lovely review.
Tonight I sent an email to remind her to come for pizza tomorrow. She and I are in a book study group. Her husband sent an email asking me to call. Susie died yesterday morning shortly after getting out of bed. He believes she had a massive heart attack. There was no warning. One minute she was with us. The next she was gone from us.
I am so grateful for the time we had as friends. We shared much in a very short time. We laughed and talked about many things. And I am reminded, once again, that life is a gift. She was a gift.
So..love on those who are precious to you. Greet strangers with kindness. Be grateful for all the good that is in your life and embrace the challenges. They grow us into the people we were meant to be.
Good night, Susie.
Yesterday my friend, Susie, died.
Life is so interesting. Sometimes we know people for years and years. Sometimes we know them for only a moment but feel we have known them forever.
I met Susie on her driveway. I was driving in circles in a neighborhood looking for a particular street. After ten or so minutes of looking, I saw a woman walking to her mailbox. I stopped and explained that I was looking for a street but couldn't find it. She said she had a map of the neighborhood and would bring it out. Over the hood of my car, we located the street.
But as often happens, we began a conversation. We talked about flowers, plants, neighborhoods. Eventually we got around to discussing why I was looking for that street. I explained that I was delivering one of my books. She asked if I had one to show her. I did. And she bought it. Later she bought the first one I wrote.
Months later she shared with me that she read an essay every morning when she had her quiet Bible time. She said she had read the books three times each already. I was so honored that I asked her to write a review for my new book which comes out in mid November. She wrote a lovely review.
Tonight I sent an email to remind her to come for pizza tomorrow. She and I are in a book study group. Her husband sent an email asking me to call. Susie died yesterday morning shortly after getting out of bed. He believes she had a massive heart attack. There was no warning. One minute she was with us. The next she was gone from us.
I am so grateful for the time we had as friends. We shared much in a very short time. We laughed and talked about many things. And I am reminded, once again, that life is a gift. She was a gift.
So..love on those who are precious to you. Greet strangers with kindness. Be grateful for all the good that is in your life and embrace the challenges. They grow us into the people we were meant to be.
Good night, Susie.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Hopes and Dreams
Hopes and Dreams
Hopes and dreams. We hear much about these two words. I believe they have the power to move us to places we never thought we could go. Yet a challenge comes with those words.
Let's say we have a dream. Let's say we truly believe we can achieve it with time, energy, work and maybe a little luck. Years ago in a discussion with people over dinner I used the word luck. I was immediately answered with another person's belief. There is no such thing as luck, I was told. Since the belief was so strong, I didn't move forward with the conversation. It would have proved futile. Back to the original idea.
When we dream about what we would like to see happen in our lives or the lives of people we care about, we have hope that those dreams will become reality.
But, life happens. Dreams that seemed so wonderful get lost in the muck and mire of life. We get sidetracked. Dreams die and hope goes along with it. If we are lucky--fortunate--we might be able to regroup and reclaim what we believe we have lost. Sometimes we can. Often we can't.
At times like this it is good to think about what is temporary and what is eternal.
Rather than getting bogged down in disappointment, another strategy might be to evaluate what our dreams are. If we are able to achieve our dreams, what does that mean for the people in our lives? Will time away from those precious people we love be worth the end result? Or are we bringing them along on the journey? You know, nothing is as important as our people. They are the eternal piece of life's puzzle.
Our world explodes with everything materialistic. I have been thinking about this lately. What truly matters in my life? What will make an eternal difference? Will anyone really notice the brand name on my shoes? Or my coat? Or my car? If they do, it will be only a cursory glance. The reason this is so is because there will be another new brand of shoes, coats and cars. Please understand that I like new shoes, coats, cars, furniture, jewelry just as much as the next person. It only becomes a challenge when things become more important than people. I am fortunate. My life is surrounded by family and dear friends who understand this.
A way to gauge this would be to examine our lives and see how much time is devoted to temporary things. Certainly we all have work to do. We all have to show up at work and perform. I just bet that everyone reading these words spends a large part of their working day caring for other people. Either people who share their work space or people who provide services we all need. I truly believe that most people are caring folks. They understand that a kind word, a hug, a caring spirit is what makes this world go round and round and round.
Well, I think I have strayed a bit. But, life is like that. Many times dreams don't follow a straight line. Sometimes the road to the goal circles back before moving forward. Dreams help us be creative. They help us see how to solve a challenging situation. Embrace your dream/s. Welcome them into your life. They may provide the impetus for something wonderful that has eternal value.
Dream Big!
Hopes and dreams. We hear much about these two words. I believe they have the power to move us to places we never thought we could go. Yet a challenge comes with those words.
Let's say we have a dream. Let's say we truly believe we can achieve it with time, energy, work and maybe a little luck. Years ago in a discussion with people over dinner I used the word luck. I was immediately answered with another person's belief. There is no such thing as luck, I was told. Since the belief was so strong, I didn't move forward with the conversation. It would have proved futile. Back to the original idea.
When we dream about what we would like to see happen in our lives or the lives of people we care about, we have hope that those dreams will become reality.
But, life happens. Dreams that seemed so wonderful get lost in the muck and mire of life. We get sidetracked. Dreams die and hope goes along with it. If we are lucky--fortunate--we might be able to regroup and reclaim what we believe we have lost. Sometimes we can. Often we can't.
At times like this it is good to think about what is temporary and what is eternal.
Rather than getting bogged down in disappointment, another strategy might be to evaluate what our dreams are. If we are able to achieve our dreams, what does that mean for the people in our lives? Will time away from those precious people we love be worth the end result? Or are we bringing them along on the journey? You know, nothing is as important as our people. They are the eternal piece of life's puzzle.
Our world explodes with everything materialistic. I have been thinking about this lately. What truly matters in my life? What will make an eternal difference? Will anyone really notice the brand name on my shoes? Or my coat? Or my car? If they do, it will be only a cursory glance. The reason this is so is because there will be another new brand of shoes, coats and cars. Please understand that I like new shoes, coats, cars, furniture, jewelry just as much as the next person. It only becomes a challenge when things become more important than people. I am fortunate. My life is surrounded by family and dear friends who understand this.
A way to gauge this would be to examine our lives and see how much time is devoted to temporary things. Certainly we all have work to do. We all have to show up at work and perform. I just bet that everyone reading these words spends a large part of their working day caring for other people. Either people who share their work space or people who provide services we all need. I truly believe that most people are caring folks. They understand that a kind word, a hug, a caring spirit is what makes this world go round and round and round.
Well, I think I have strayed a bit. But, life is like that. Many times dreams don't follow a straight line. Sometimes the road to the goal circles back before moving forward. Dreams help us be creative. They help us see how to solve a challenging situation. Embrace your dream/s. Welcome them into your life. They may provide the impetus for something wonderful that has eternal value.
Dream Big!
Spring Bulbs and Christmas
Spring Bulbs and Christmas
We went shopping for spring bulbs to plant. Imagine our surprise to find bulbs hidden behind Christmas trees. In October. Before Halloween. Mixed in with the Christmas bling were witches and goblins, fall wreaths, pumpkins, hay bales, turkey platters, holiday dishes and everything else one can imagine for the big three-Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Seeing all the holiday goodies caused my mind to wander away from bulbs that will not be seen until spring. It is much easier to get caught up in what the eyes can see at the moment. Waiting for months and months to see those flowers appear seems far, far away. Holiday stuff seems right here right now.
As I walked among the perfectly dressed trees, I thought about how much I enjoy decorating trees for the holidays. However, we have to get past all the work of putting the tree together first. For years we visited a tree farm and cut our own. In the field the chosen tree looked perfect. Just the right height and diameter. Perfect from any angle. My husband usually remarked that it was a little big, but I pretended not to hear those words. I hate to say it, but he was right almost every time. One year we cut our tree, placed it in the bed of the truck and headed home. Friends had their tree in the truck, too. Imagine our surprise when we found only one tree in the truck. They do blow out it seems. I think we determined it was their tree not ours that was lost. Funny how that happened.
Dragging the tree into the house and standing it up was never the best part of the whole experience. Especially when the tree took up half the room and doubled over on the ceiling with the top pointing to the floor. Kinda hard to put a pretty topping on a tree that has a bent top. Furniture needed new placement, too. Eventually we decided to go with a fake tree. Or artificial. Even those can be tricky to put together.
Of course, the next part of the tree thing is an absolute nightmare. You know where I am going. The lights. We always have to string more lights on the tree. It isn't sparkly enough until you need sunglasses to gaze upon it. After all the lights are on the tree, it is time to plug them in. Just like in the movie that we all love, they don't all come on. Or a fuse gets blown. Never in the history of trees in our house have all the strings of lights actually lit up. There is always a dark spot. We try and try to turn the tree so that the dark area is on the back side facing the wall. But, I know it is there, and it drives me nuts.
Time to find the decorations. Every year we misplace decorations. I have no idea how that happens. We place them all in boxes or wrap them in paper towels. We put them in plastic tubs and even write on the outside of the tub what is inside. With all that planning, we lose them. Year after year. Sometime during the spring we find them. One year I left a tree up for twelve months. It was too pretty to take down, I thought. I did notice people had questioning looks on their faces when they saw it.
Christmas carols play as I remove all the found decorations and place them on the tree. I love that. Add a little hot cider to the mix, and you have the perfect day. After all the grumbling about putting the thing up, carrying the tubs from upstairs and downstairs the work is done. Actually, I don't think of it as work. It is a joy. I turn on the fireplace, turn on the tree, turn on the music and sit and enjoy my creation. How different from when I was a kid. We had a wood stove to heat the house. My dad cut a cedar tree. We decorated it with whatever we had. Certainly no themed trees. All the lights were colored, and they got very hot. When the holidays are over and the trees are taken down, the house seems lonely. It takes a few days to get over the saddness.
But before any of that can occur, bulbs have to be planted. Spring will return. I want it to be pretty.
We went shopping for spring bulbs to plant. Imagine our surprise to find bulbs hidden behind Christmas trees. In October. Before Halloween. Mixed in with the Christmas bling were witches and goblins, fall wreaths, pumpkins, hay bales, turkey platters, holiday dishes and everything else one can imagine for the big three-Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Seeing all the holiday goodies caused my mind to wander away from bulbs that will not be seen until spring. It is much easier to get caught up in what the eyes can see at the moment. Waiting for months and months to see those flowers appear seems far, far away. Holiday stuff seems right here right now.
As I walked among the perfectly dressed trees, I thought about how much I enjoy decorating trees for the holidays. However, we have to get past all the work of putting the tree together first. For years we visited a tree farm and cut our own. In the field the chosen tree looked perfect. Just the right height and diameter. Perfect from any angle. My husband usually remarked that it was a little big, but I pretended not to hear those words. I hate to say it, but he was right almost every time. One year we cut our tree, placed it in the bed of the truck and headed home. Friends had their tree in the truck, too. Imagine our surprise when we found only one tree in the truck. They do blow out it seems. I think we determined it was their tree not ours that was lost. Funny how that happened.
Dragging the tree into the house and standing it up was never the best part of the whole experience. Especially when the tree took up half the room and doubled over on the ceiling with the top pointing to the floor. Kinda hard to put a pretty topping on a tree that has a bent top. Furniture needed new placement, too. Eventually we decided to go with a fake tree. Or artificial. Even those can be tricky to put together.
Of course, the next part of the tree thing is an absolute nightmare. You know where I am going. The lights. We always have to string more lights on the tree. It isn't sparkly enough until you need sunglasses to gaze upon it. After all the lights are on the tree, it is time to plug them in. Just like in the movie that we all love, they don't all come on. Or a fuse gets blown. Never in the history of trees in our house have all the strings of lights actually lit up. There is always a dark spot. We try and try to turn the tree so that the dark area is on the back side facing the wall. But, I know it is there, and it drives me nuts.
Time to find the decorations. Every year we misplace decorations. I have no idea how that happens. We place them all in boxes or wrap them in paper towels. We put them in plastic tubs and even write on the outside of the tub what is inside. With all that planning, we lose them. Year after year. Sometime during the spring we find them. One year I left a tree up for twelve months. It was too pretty to take down, I thought. I did notice people had questioning looks on their faces when they saw it.
Christmas carols play as I remove all the found decorations and place them on the tree. I love that. Add a little hot cider to the mix, and you have the perfect day. After all the grumbling about putting the thing up, carrying the tubs from upstairs and downstairs the work is done. Actually, I don't think of it as work. It is a joy. I turn on the fireplace, turn on the tree, turn on the music and sit and enjoy my creation. How different from when I was a kid. We had a wood stove to heat the house. My dad cut a cedar tree. We decorated it with whatever we had. Certainly no themed trees. All the lights were colored, and they got very hot. When the holidays are over and the trees are taken down, the house seems lonely. It takes a few days to get over the saddness.
But before any of that can occur, bulbs have to be planted. Spring will return. I want it to be pretty.
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