Communication-or the Lack Of
Lately I have been finding notes from months and years ago in journals. For instance, when I wrote about patterns of behavior, I found those notes on a napkin. I remember having the idea in a restaurant and using the napkin as my writing space. The temporary/eternal blog idea came from a study group. I could go down the list and name the places/experiences that prompted the blogs that I write. My hope is that as I work through my own thoughts, you have the opportunity to work through yours as well.
However, no life experience prepares us for the loss of a loved one or a friend. Those come, and we simply have no choice but to walk through them. We can't go around. That is what my friend's family is experiencing right now. Yet, even in this most difficult time, they have shown an amazing grace and care for others.
Which makes me think about relationships. And communication. There really cannot be a relationship if there is no communication. Trying to go about life like that is like playing a game. We smile and say the right things, but we never really know the other person. That is one of the saddest things that can happen in life--for me. I desire to be in relationship with everyone I meet. Now, I don't mean a close relationship. What I mean is one that shares a little bit of life and enjoys the process. One that is genuine and sincere. One that wishes well to everyone. One that holds no grudges. One that accepts the good and works to figure out the challenges.
Communication is the essential ingredient to any relationship. We all pass through stages in life. We have friends who come into our lives for a little bit and then move on. That is expected. They bring their gift of friendship to our lives for an amount of time. We remember them fondly.
Not all communication fosters healthy relationships. Maybe what I really mean is lack of communication. I have never figured out why anyone would want to withhold friendship without first giving it a good try. Certainly not everyone enjoys the same activities. And not everyone has the same beliefs. But, that should be a starting point-not an ending one. The choice to jump in and enjoy another person is a gift we give to ourselves. Who doesn't like gifts?
When people refuse to visit about concerns, relationships fail. I find that to be so hard. It has happened to me. Sometimes I have refused to visit about concerns because I don't want to upset the other person. Looking back, I believe that to be an unfair way to deal with life. We all have concerns at one time or other. We all feel misunderstood at times. Holding those feeling inside only makes us more miserable. I would guess that most communication errors have easy fixes if we would simply decide that there are two sides to every story--maybe even more than two. Great misunderstanding occurs when we hold on to our little side of a story and never listen or talk about it. At least not with the person who is the offender. We so misjudge others, don't we?
I am so fortunate to have friends who visit with me about their life concerns and allow me to share in their life stories. We learn much from each other. There are times when I need them to listen to me, too. Not having much family close to where I live means friends fill a huge void. I am so grateful for the women in my life. Women need one another. We need to laugh and visit and make plans for fun times. My friends and I enjoy conversation that is sometimes challenging. We don't always agree. Isn't that great? We learn so much more through honest discussion. And a glass or two of wine doesn't hurt either!
There are times when we cannot cross the bridge to good communication. We may desire it, but the other person does not. While that is hurtful and discouraging, it is life happening. We do ourselves tremendous harm by dwelling on what we wish could be but isn't. We have to move on to healthy relationships. We must not feel we failed. Sometimes we aren't another person's cup of tea. Course, we never understand that, do we? Reality bites!
I received such kind thoughts from the blog about my friend Susie. That is because we all cherish our friendships. We understand that people are the only thing that truly matters. We know that how we treat others is the mark of who we are. And probably because we have all experienced loss in our lives.
As I move closer to the end of my life, my desire is to enjoy people to the fullest. To celebrate them. To help when I can. To move back when I realize I am not wanted. To understand that life is a one time go around. There is no time for the ugly. To open my life to what might be ready to enter. To rejoice in other's successes. To cry when failure occurs. To hold a hand when life hurts. To share a concert or a play or a trip with people who have life in common.
Yes, there will still be times when I will be misunderstood. I pray for time to talk when that occurs. I pray for peace and love to overcome anger and frustration. I pray for moments when my heart is so full of joy I can hardly contain it. I pray that for you as well. That life brings you exactly who you need at the moment of your need. And that we all work on our communication skills so that no one in this world is ever without a listening ear or a caring friend.
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