Another Year

Another Year--

Seeing excitement on the faces of children and teens is all most of us need to say it was a good time-a great time.  Watching faces as gifts are unwrapped is one of the joys of life.  What is inside?  How did the giver know that this was what we wanted most?  The wonder of it all.

A year has passed since we last opened gifts together.  An entire year.  All those days, weeks and months of living.  Watching one season melt into another.  Laughing with one another over some goofy thing that was said or done.  A memory made.  Crying about a hurt or disappointment.  Vowing to learn lessons so that we don't repeat past errors.  Accepting that good and bad are the stuff of life.  It is how we deal with it all that makes us who we are.

Walking through gardens on an early spring day in anticipation of the beauty that will suddenly appear. Summer with flowers and plants full grown make us smile and remember what they looked like the year before. Not quite as large or full.  Fall arrives.  Colors fill the air.  The sun comes at us from a new angle  Blue skies seem bluer.  Everything begins the transition.  Rest.  Wait.  Refresh.  Winter brings its own beauty.  Bare tree trunks against a gray sky.  Cold winds bring shivers.  Scarves decorate necks.  And the cycle continues.

During those seasons some have experienced loss.  The kind of loss that tears at the heart and soul.  A place at the table and in the heart that will not be filled.  Memories everywhere.  Yet, just as the seasons of the earth, humans have seasons.  We are born, we grow and learn, we reach adulthood, we work, we retire, we return to that from which we came.  It is the process that we all will experience.  Some sooner than others.  Memories.

Joy arrives with babies, weddings, new jobs, new friends, something wished for gained.  Joy washes over us like beautiful snow flakes falling on a winter's night.  We see it.  We feel it.  We taste it.  It takes our breath away.  We are encouraged.  Joy has come.  We will never be quite the same.  Joy is that part of us that starts at our toes and leaps from our eyes as we enter its presence.  That thing we long for every day of our lives.

Lessons learned fill the seasons.  Learning when to move forward or when to turn away helps us enjoy a more satisfying life.  We all have choice.  There are those times when flowers planted do not grow.  Do not bloom.  Plants may be planted in the wrong spot.  Too much sun.  Too much shade.  Not enough water.  When we observe a plant or flower struggling to stay alive, we have a choice.  Either we allow it to struggle or we move it to a better location.  The same is true of life.  We may find ourselves in situations that are challenging.  What to do?  Where to go for help?  If we are to bloom and grow to our fullest, it maybe necessary to make some changes.  Easy?  No.  But then, many things in life are not easy.

Memories fill our hearts.  Remember?  Remember when we stayed up late and drank a couple of bottles of wine together?  Remember when we sat around a table and enjoyed a meal and good conversation?  Or played cards and knew the person next to us was cheating?  And we didn't care?  Remember when we took a short trip on the spur of the moment and had a marvelous time?  Remember when we looked at old photographs of our families and felt their closeness?  Remember...These are also the seasons of our lives.  We will talk about them always.  Remember the day we took that trip to Chicago on the busiest shopping day of the year?  Remember when we were stranded at an airport?  Remember when our sweet dog left us?  Hopefully, memories are mostly happy.  Happy times shared.

Now we have made the cycle once again.  We are grateful that we are still around.  Grateful that we can enjoy one more Christmas season.  One more opportunity to love on one another. To make sweet memories that will hold us through the cold winter days and nights.

Soon gifts will be opened.  Eyes will light up with joy.  Thanks will echo in rooms.  Laughter will fill the air.  Another year.  Another chance to get it right.  Another opportunity to tell someone you love them.  To fill life with love and joy. To say I am sorry and make things better. To forgive.  To seek love and peace.   Don't let it pass you by.

Merry Christmas.

Expectations

Expectations--

What are my expectations?  Should I even have any?  Are expectations good?  Are they bad?  Are they neutral?  What if my expectations miss a mark?  Is it possible to go beyond expectations?

Absolutely I have expectations about certain things.  I expect my car to start when I get in it.  I expect my house to be standing when I return from a trip.  I expect my retirement check to arrive in the mail so I can pay those bills that demand payment.  These are only a few of the things I hope and expect to be in place in my life.  If any of these expectations cease, my life will be a little more challenged.  So, yes, there are some expectations that I do have.

There are many things I do not expect.  When I purchase a lottery ticket, I really do not expect my numbers to be the winning ones.  But, boy I can dream!  Owning a second or third home is another expectation I do not have.  Add to that the latest sports car or the biggest diamond.  There is no expectation that I will be the next governor or president.  Being a gourmet cook is another skill that is lacking from my abilities.  This list is very long.

Would I say that having expectations is good or bad?  Some of both.  The thing about expectations is this.  If we set the mark so high that no one can ever reach it, then we are the ones who suffer.  When we have a view of how things should be and are dissappointed when those expectations are not met, we feel let down.  It's almost as if we have a hidden set of rules that we don't share with others.  We keep them deep inside.  Actually, we are playing with a stacked deck.  Since others are not in on our set of expectations, they have no opportunity to even have a discussion with us.  They are in the dark.  In that case, expectations become negative.

They are good when we set our hearts toward our personal goals.  When we want to go to a certain location and set goals toward reaching that expectation, that is a good thing.  Or when we work hard at achieving something personal.  Maybe winning a race or getting that hit to drive the runner on third home for the big win.  Personal goals do not negatively impact others.  They are set for ourselves.  Certainly we can set them too high, but they are always adjustable.  These types of expectations drive us forward to being better for ourselves and others.

What about Christmas?  Are there expectations that are positive?  Negative?  The positive ones include time with family and friends.  Time to celebrate whatever religious tradition we observe.  Time to give a gift to someone we love.  Time to listen to beautiful music prepared especially for this season.  Time to hug people and say Merry Christmas.  Time to embrace the season and let it move us to a place of love and peace.

Negative?  Yes, that is possible.  When we expect certain things or actions, and they do not show up, our feelings are hurt.  We might feel that others don't love us.  Or we see what others have and become aware once again that we don't have those things.   Christmas can be a dreaded season when life has dealt us challenges.  When we feel alone or lonely.  And we all know it is possible to be lonely in a crowd of people.  Or when we want to give a gift but lack the funds to do so.  Especially during this season it is easy to slip into despair.  Why can't our lives be like all the others we are observing?

This is what I think.  Let go of expectations.  Learn to love others for who they are.  Not for what we think they want.  Enjoy diverse personalities.  Welcome unique ways of doing things.  Laugh more.  Smile more.  Be delighted when those unexpected things occur.  They are truly gifts.  Give people a little space.  Allow them to live their life without judgment.  Simply welcome all.  We don't have to be alike to have fun together.  We don't have to believe the exact same things to share moments.  The less we expect the happier we will be.  You see, when we set expectations of others, we are making it all about us.  We need to think about that a bit.  Mull it over in our minds.

Life is short.  Let's concentrate on the joy others bring into our lives.  Let's celebrate the fact that we have the opportunity to share moments on this planet.  Let's find the absolute good.

Back off expectations.  Move toward love.

I Looked

I Looked--

 I looked at all the beauty in this world.  I saw the kindness of people, the beauty of friendship,  the wonder of this planet and all she gives,  the love of family, the examples of grace in so many lives.

What I saw filled my spirit with thankfulness.  May I always see others through eyes of grace and care. Always and forever.

The Beauty in Life

The Beauty in Life--

With so much ugly happening in our world, let us turn our attention to the pretty.  Let us give ourselves over to what is good and right and kind.  Let us care for one another even when life is on a good course. People need affirmation that what they are accomplishing is worthy.  That they are walking in a good way.

Celebration must be present in life everyday.  Celebrate that we have one more day to practice care for others.  Celebrate that we have choice.  Celebrate that we can come together to talk about our differences.  Celebrate that we can make decisions about our actions and beliefs.

It is my observation that a smile given is a smile returned.  Is that a little thing?  An insignificant action? I don't think so.  Many of us are walking around in skin that is worried.  Or upset.  Or fearful.  When a stranger offers that smile, we feel part of us relaxing.  We return that lovely greeting and walk away feeling better.  I realize we cannot know another's battles.  But, we can offer what we can to a world that needs care.  Making eye contact and smiling as we meet fellow shoppers during this busy season,  is a way of offering ourselves.  Of moving away from being centered on ourselves.  It truly does matter that we do this small, simple thing.

While decorated trees, twinkling lights and gifts occupy a large part of this season,  giving to others in need soars.  People reach into wallets or their own personal time and offer assistance.  They want others to have one day of joy.  One day with full tummys.  One day when people they do not know offer words of hope and encouragement.  The truth of these acts is the givers receive as much or more than than those they help.  It is my belief that we do not wish to be uncaring.  To refuse to see need.  I think we are all so busy with making a living that we forget to make a life.  We forget to schedule time to think about the real meaning of life.  It is so easy to fall into this habit.  Days follow days.  Weeks pass. We mean to do this thing for someone in need, but we are just so busy.  This is a true statement.  How to change from thoughts to actions?  Something to ponder.

Recently someone in the car ahead of mine in the drive-thru at Starbucks purchased my drink.  That is no small thing.  Coffee costs more than a gallon of gas.  It made my heart smile, and it made me think about ways I could pay it forward.  The person in the car in front of mine probably did not know me.  He/she simply offered a bit of sunshine to me.  A lovely gesture to a stranger.

And then there is this young man who works at Starbucks.  Over time we have become friends.  We wave to one another when I go through to pick up my drink.  We did not share names.  Just spent a little time visiting when the line was slow.  His kindness touched my heart.  I decided to take a small gift to him as a way of saying I appreciate his friendly spirit.  We finally exchanged names.  We have made plans to meet for coffee--surprise--and chat.  He is on the front end of his journey. I am on the end of mine yet our spirits touched one another.  What joy.  I am always pleasantly surprised with the new people who make their way through my life.  They bring new ideas and new thoughts.  A discussion over a cup of coffee with a new friend.  What does it take?  Time.  That precious commodity we all wish we had more of.

We can give hope to those who are struggling.  Those who feel hopeless.  We can encourage their efforts toward a better life.  We can listen as they share their story.  We can withhold judgement.  After all, it takes great courage to share from our deepest places.  We can send encouraging notes, emails, texts to those who need a little lift.  None of these things require one penny.  We do not have to rush out to buy a gift.  The gift we give is the gift of ourselves.  Our time.  There it is again.  That word.  Time.  Maybe we should take a little bit of it and rearrange a moment to make way for blessings by being in relationship with others.

Let us not forget the gift of love.  That feeling that motivates our every action.  That moves us to do extraordinary things.  Love is the compass of our lives pointing us always toward doing good in this world.  Yes, we live in troubling times.  Yes, violence seeks to take away our peace.  But let us never forget that love is the greatest thing of all.

There will always be ugly in this world.  It has always been that way.  I believe we have the ability to bring love into a hurting world.  We only have to look around to see all the good that people are doing. Let us celebrate everyday we have.  And remember that our celebration of life encourages others.

When Did It Happen?

When Did It Happen?--

When did it happen?  Is it possible to pinpoint the exact moment in time?  Perhaps it was gradual.  That would explain part of it.  A slow movement away from knowledge.  From involvement.  Not intentional.   A passage of life?  Moving from one piece of our puzzle to another along our journey.

Each stop along our journey teaches us more about ourselves, and the world we inhabit.  Are we aware of others as we journey?  Is our time and energy wrapped up in our own place and time?  Is it a mixture of the two?  How do we define a well lived life?

These questions haunt me.  Fear that I have moved far away from what is important and meaningful to me fills my thoughts.  It is easy to be involved when you know about need.  When you see it daily.  At what point did I cease to know about need?   Involvement in a career certainly made a huge difference. Constant contact with people brings the opportunity to do for others.  Those days were so lovely.

Moving into the stage of life where working is no longer necessary brings with it much goodness.  Time to do the new thing.  Time to develop interests that were once only dreams.  Time to have time.  Yet there can be a downside to this stage of the journey.  Isolation, removal from being actively involved in life creates a void.  The sense of being a useful person in society is diminished.

When did I move from being aware to being unaware?  To being involved in helping to taking care of self?  When did my world become smaller?  I do not like to admit this about myself.  It would be much easier to erect a facade to shield myself from the world.  This time in life is all about taking care of self, isn't it?  After all, I did much during my working years.  Yet, that small voice deep inside is beginning to yell.  To attempt to get my attention.  To assure me that there is good to be done, and I can do it.  To get back into the hurry and bustle of life. It is urging me to open myself to new challenges.  To step outside this zone of comfort I have erected around my life.

Why is this important to write about?  Maybe putting words on this page means I have reached the point of action.  Maybe thinking these thoughts out loud for you to read means I am acknowledging my deep need to enter life in a new way.  To step out and take a new chance.  To know that I do not do this alone.  This drive within comes from a divine place.  And when that divine place pushes, it is time to move.  Even if the direction is unclear.

I welcome your thoughts.  I welcome the insight you have.  I welcome your presence in my life.  For we are part of one another.   Part of a plan much greater than we can ever imagine.  If you are struggling with your place on the journey, I welcome your words.   It is in sharing ourselves honestly and fully that we grow.  That we do what we were put here to do.

When did it happen?  Slowly.  Quietly.  Innocently.  Recognizing is the first step.  Praying and thinking is the second.  Asking is third.  Listening is next.  And action is the last step in reentry.

Where shall this lead?  I know not.  What I do know is this.  My greatest happiness comes in helping others find their way.  In giving back to this world.  In seeing goodness.  In thinking less of me and more of others.  This part of the journey has the potental to be the most wonderful yet.  I am excited to see where it will lead.

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas Thoughts-

One would think that the holiday season would be the happiest time of the year.  The world decorates. Lights twinkle on trees in homes.  Stores draw attention to displays with lighting.  Ribbons and bows decorate doors.  Garlands of fresh greens grace mantles and furniture.  Dressed up trees grace homes.  Christmas music makes us smile and even sing along.  Presents are wrapped in festive colors.  Surprises abound.

Yet, amid all the attempts to convince the world that this is the most wonderful time of the year, often it is not.  The hype is all about getting that someone special the perfect gift.  Or making sure the children have everything they want.  I remember when our son was a little guy.  I handed him a catalog of children's toys and asked him to put an "x" on anything he would like for Christmas.  Gave him a crayon and left the room.  When I returned, he had marked everything on every page with that x.  And why not? I loved his response.

I do admit that a special gift selected just for me is a lovely thing.  I enjoy the hunt for something special for those in my circle, too.   It makes my heart smile to know they will enjoy a gift given from my heart.  Giving is the real purpose, right?  That is what retail tells us.

It's a funny thing about gifts.  While they are certainly appreciated and even loved, the most precious gifts cannot be purchased.  They won't fit in any size box.  They are those things we make the choice to give.  They include our time.  Maybe a lunch date.  Or a time over coffee with a friend or family member.  In today's world where families are on tight time schedules, the gift of a few moments to visit is priceless.  Letting someone know that they are loved and appreciated by giving the gift of a few moments will be remembered for a lifetime.

Maybe Christmas is about slowing down just a bit.  Don't we all enjoy a cup of hot chocolate piled high with marshmallows on a snowy or cold evening?  Or a glass of wine while visiting in front of a fire?  Maybe it is about reconnecting.  Reflecting on the year that has been.  Recounting the good and the not so good.  Relishing moments.  Being grateful.  Telling someone you love them.  Refusing to get caught up in media hype.  Or at least trying.

I know.  It is difficult to find time to just be.  But, it is necessary if we are to be whole and healthy.

Just like you, we will be busy with preparations.  We will purchase gifts for our loved ones and those special friends who bring such light and joy into our lives.  We will decorate our trees.  Garland strung with lights will grace the front door welcoming all who visit.  We will do special things for our family.  Those are all things we want to do.  We will play Christmas music in our house and car.  Just like everyone else.

What I hope is different for us this year is the knowledge that the holidays are not easy on people.  Many feel lonely and sad.  I have felt this way.  I know how it hurts.  That feeling that everyone is having a wonderful time, and you are not able to share in the joy.  It doesn't matter what causes those feelings.  During the holiday season when everything is about being together and being loved, feeling like others don't love you or that you are alone in this big world is magnified.  I want to be aware.  To be welcoming to those who may be putting up a good front.  To reach out beyond myself and offer friendship.

Before we know it, it will be a memory.  All the decorations will be placed in boxes and stored for another year.  Life will return to our normal-whatever that looks like.  We will say it was such a good holiday, and that we are happy it is over.  What must not return to normal is our forgetting that life is more than trees and presents.  It is all about people.  Wonderful folks who come in all sizes and shapes. Who come into our lives with gifts to give-gifts of friendship and love.  Gifts of caring.  Gifts of being there when our world is falling apart.  We must hold on to memories of our children and grandchildren laughing with us.  Cooking something special.  Sharing that once a year thing.  We must remember to love on one another every month of the year.

Tonight I read something in a book by Joel Osteen.  My son gave me the book for Christmas a few years ago.  He said a car has a large front windshield and a small rearview mirror.  The large front windshield is pointing us into our future. It is large because our world is large.  We don't know what awaits us, but we can be sure that God loves us and is helping us move toward a better, brighter tomorrow.  The rear windshield is small.  It represents our past.  That part of us that is filled with the good and the bad.  We cannot change it.  It is our choice if we live in that small window.  However, if we do that, we will never move forward toward our best.  I love that.  I am going to think about that everyday.  When the holidays are history, our life continues.

It is my hope and prayer that each of us take time to rest along the road to Christmas.  To celebrate.  To remember.  And to always keep the warmth of this special time in our hearts.

Merry Christmas.

Know What?

Know What?

It is time to bring joy and peace into this world.  It is time to stop carrying grudges.  It is time to care for one another.  It is time to find quiet in our own lives.  To stop the noise.  To stop the constant negative words and actions that have become the norm.  It is time to believe in the goodness of others.  To believe that life has meaning.  To believe that giving is more important than getting.

To reach out and bring others into our circle.  To listen instead of insisting on others listening to us.  To acknowledge that we are only one small speck in this vast universe.  To sing and dance for no reason other than we can.

To refuse to be drawn into negative conversations.  To find what is positive and nurture that.  To know that every action has  the power to change those in our space.  To think before we say something that might harm another.  Or damage another.  To knock that chip off our own shoulder thus allowing ourselves to be more  open to what might make its way into our life.

It is time to forgive.  To walk in love and peace.  To refuse to be drawn into drama after drama.  To acknowledge that differences exist but they need not define us.  To reach out and help others with simple acts.  Acts that show our true spirits.

It is time to stop the madness.  Time to stop pointing fingers and open our hands and hearts to others.  To have folks into our homes for meals and conversation.  To cherish family and friends.

Yes, it is time.

Expectations

Expectations--


A rainy afternoon.   Winter is announcing her arrival with cooler days and nights.  Snow can't be far behind.  All to be expected.

Expected.  An interesting word.  We live our lives with expectations.  Some we realize.  Others become distant dreams or wishes.  Living with expectations gives our life purpose.  Expecting a great concert means we are hyped up and ready to experience a good time.  Expecting a baby brings with it the promise of the future.  We plan, purchase, talk about this coming event.  We expect others to share in our joy.  Graduating from school whether it be college or a trade continues our expectation for earning a living wage.  Young people expect to make the team after hours and hours of practice.  The list continues.

Somewhere along life's continuim we expect to grow old.  We desire to live our life fully until the last breath.  We exercise, eat the right foods, keep positive thoughts at the front of our minds.  We engage in meaningful relationships with those we enjoy.  We develop hobbies that provide our minds and bodies with much needed things to do.  Our wish is to be vibrant until the last minute of our lives.  Growing old is not a bad thing.  In fact, it can be the most meaningful time of life.  Unless it is cut short by disease or accident.  Or by others wishing harm.

Wishing harm.  It can happen in relationships.  Families, friends, partners, husbands, wives have the ability to cause great harm to one another.  Could it be that the "I" in all relationships takes center stage thus allowing very little room for others?  Most plays engage multiple characters in dramas that work around one or two challenges.  The challenge is introduced.  We then have the opportunity to watch as the actors work through the problems in search of a solution.  Compromise is almost always part of the equation.  Not everyone gets everything.  Hopefully, everyone receives enough to continue.  And the play ends.  The stage grows dark.

Wishing harm cuts much deeper than this.  In our world wishing harm seems to be a way of life for some.  This is playing itself out on a national stage.  We are drawn into the pain and suffering of others in distant lands.  Those we do not know personally.  Yet, we do know them.  We are part of them.  We expect to go to work, to return home, to greet and be greeted by those we love and who love us.  We expect to visit over a coffee with friends perhaps discussing coming events or holiday plans. We expect to wake up to a new day.  Just like they did.  When violence rips these expectations out from under us, we are left wondering how we got to this place.

I struggle with this.

However, amid the destruction of lives comes a new day.  A day like no other, to be sure.  We cannot avoid that new day.  It has to be faced and walked through.  Lives are forever changed.  Beliefs shift.  Tolerance and acceptance become issues that tear at our deepest self.  We know what we never dreamed we would know.  Violence has showed its ugly head.  Nothing is the same.

Because of these events, new expectations arise.  We walk forward understanding that peace is not a dream.  It is an expectation.  We can be assured that one day nations will grasp the fact that we are so much richer and better when we learn tolerance toward one another.  That our differences need not end in conflict.  That we can come together in small groups and communities to talk about who we are. And  we can listen to others.  No one has the absolute corner on everything.  By spending time in conversation we open ourselves to greater understanding.  We also give others the opportunity to understand us.

Expectations.  They propel us forward toward what we view as worthy.  May we always live with her guiding us on our journey.

The Voice

The Voice-

I have a question for all of us.  Are we so comfortable in our present spot in life that we see no need to change?

Our response is probably determined by several factors.  Those include personal relationships, career choices, financial obligations and belief systems to name but a few.  Age and gender may also play a role.  If we took the time, we could list several other factors that hold us in the spot we now occupy.

What if a small but insistent voice tugs at our core, our soul, and urges us to reevaluate this most comfortable spot?  That voice often refuses to be squelched.  It is quite stubborn.   We hear its urging and recognize the truth it is asking us to consider.  What to do?

To acknowledge that we have heard the voice means we are ready to evaluate our present spot.  That requires great courage.  It is courageous to locate ourselves outside that most warm and welcoming comfort zone.  Within this zone there is protection and acceptance.  No surprises.  Everything moves with a familiar rhythm.  There is the familiar.  Who would choose to open the door and step out of that safety net?

Stepping out of the safety net may require change.  Heaven forbid we should change!  Attitudes and beliefs might need adjustment.  That is difficult work that we often do not want to do.  Personal relationships could need a little tweek.  Yes, stepping outside that comfort zone might require more than we are willing to give.

While we are sorting  out what that small voice is asking us to consider, we finally recognize what is truly holding us in our present spot.  Fear.  Yes, fear.

Why would anyone voluntarily choose to leave a comfort zone when fear of rejection, ridicule and pain might lurk around the next corner?  Wouldn't it be best to remain safely inside the net where none of those threaten?  Yet, once that small voice has gotten our attention, we know we must deal with it.  The choice is always ours.  We can hear and agree that change is necessary but decide to continue on our path. Or we can listen and begin the process of change.  Taking baby steps we can move forward to a more satisfying life.

Should we select change, the fear will remain.   We have entered uncharted waters.  Life will reflect our newness.  Friends and associates may feel uncomfortable with the new in us, but we will feel exhilerated, full of passion and energy.  Those who hold a belief in  us will celebrate the moves we are taking to improve our life.  These people are probably risk takers, also.  They recognize the strength and courage needed to make significant changes.

And the others-they may watch from a distance waiting for us to fail.  Or they may silently wish they had the courage to embark on change.  It is possible they have not reached the spot we occupy, but they are aware.  We are their example.  We are their inspiration.  As we move to a better place within ourselves, we can offer grace and acceptance to those we share life with.  We have no secret.  We simply have done the work to see where we can make life better for not only ourselves, but also for others.

It is challenging to move.  I know.  It is difficult.  To take that first step means we have examined ourselves and have found need.  Once that need has a name, we step out to discover new ground.

Have you felt a tugging at your heart?  A small voice that won't be quieted?  A desire that pops up at odd and unexpected times?  Maybe it is yelling your name.  Maybe it is whispering quietly.  However it appears in your life, give it a little attention.  Allow it time to perculate.  Time to rest in the deepness of you ready to step forward when you give it the nod.

Haven't heard it yet?  Slow down.  Be quiet and wait.  It is anxious to spread its love and care over  you.  Who knows how that voice may change your life.

PS.  I have written about this before.  For some unknown reason I feel the urge to write about it again.  Often I ignore thoughts.  I don't want to write certain things.  But, this time I listened.  Hope it helps someone.

An Amazing Moment

An Amazing Moment--

Amazing moments arrive unannounced.  They simply appear.  Out of nowhere.  Often in the most unlikely places.  Having an open spirit to recognize them is necessary or else they will pass by as quickly as they arrived.

Golf courses are beautiful places.  Beautifully groomed.  Water, trees, long expanses of mowed grass.  The perfect place to think.  To meditate.  To be grateful.  Those playing the courses with heavy bags full of golf stuff hanging on their backs probably have another view.  They see the fairways, the greens, the hazards.  They see handicaps and par.  Guess it all depends on the cart or the walk.

While my grandson was walking and planning his next move on the course, I was driving a golf cart.  I was the water girl.  The encourager.  The Snicker candy bar lady.  It was all great fun.  And during that ride around the course, I had one of those amazing moments in time.

A father was doing the same as I.  Riding along as his son walked and played the course.  We introduced ourselves and began our 18 hole journey.  Around the third hole our conversation took a turn I would never have expected.  Most conversation at sporting events center around the players and the game itself.  This conversation became deep and wonderful.

Around that third hole the father asked me what advice or suggestions I would give him for the rest of his life.  He is in his early 50's.  Very successful businessman.  However, I could tell there was a searching in his life.  He wanted to make sure he did this life right.  Didn't miss out on the important things in the hurry to make a living.  My comments included slowing down, being grateful, developing a gracious attitude toward life and others, practing grace at all times.  Seeing the flowers in ditch banks instead of the cement that stretches out before us as we travel highways.  Stuff like that.

He was very thoughtful as we spoke about life being short.  At one point he quoted scripture.  Book, chapter, verse.  Of course, I asked if he was a minister.  He replied no, but that he was giving serious thought to selling his business and joining ministry.  I could see him in that role, that calling.  He had a gentle spirit that brought others into conversation.

And from that moment we began a discussion that lasted the rest of the 18 holes.  Between shots we discussed parables.  Were they literal?  Did they actually happen?  He asked me what I thought.  I replied that parables are stories meant to teach or drive home a point.  That I didn't think it was important whether they actually happened or not.  What was important was the lessons they teach.  And that every person hearing them will get what they need from them.  They might have happened or they might not.  That really wasn't the point.  I knew he had a more literal view of the Bible yet we both were interested in what the other had to say.

We talked about Adam and Eve.  Did I believe they were real people?  What about heaven and hell?  Deep questions one would not expect to address as the players addressed the ball.  I asked him what he believed on many of the things we discussed.  And like me, there were times when answers were not easy.  A few times I had to say that I didn't know.  Hadn't formed a thought about a particular question we were discussing.  What about Noah and the flood?  Was Jesus God?  Did Jesus die for sins of the people?

The beautiful thing about this day was our willingness to share our thoughts and beliefs.  No criticism of the other.  I was aware that we were very far apart in our beliefs.  Yet, we were able to share from our own experiences.  Toward the end of our 18 hole journey, I asked him if he believed that everything happens for a purpose.  He answered yes.  So, I asked what the purpose of our meeting was.  What did it mean to him?  As with other questions posed during the few hours, he was quiet for a bit.  Then he said he didn't know. What did I think was the purpose?  So we had a little talk about that.

When our time was over, I thanked him for a wonderful discussion.  I told him it was not often that strangers meet and immediately delve into the deeper things in life.  How much I enjoyed our conversation.  And that I hoped whatever he decided, he would know in his heart that it was the right place for him.  I put out my hand to shake his.  He walked to me and gave me a hug instead.  It was a special moment.  I am fairly sure our paths won't cross again.

How grateful I am that I was listening closely to his first question.  That  first question took us on a path of sharing that does not often occur.  I am thankful that we smiled and laughed and shook our heads at one another over answers that were not our own.  There was no pointing out faults because our beliefs were not exactly the same.  Instead there was a coming together with the same belief that all people are precious.  That when we see need, it is our duty and responsibilty to reach beyond ourselves and offer help.  That the world needs a huge dose of grace.

Amazing moments do happen.  They are doors we can look through, or openings we can walk through.  Walking through them means we open ourselves to whatever is on the other side.  Of course we don't want to walk through all doors, but when one that has the potential to open us to new thoughts appear, why not race through?  Why not put fear aside? Why not listen with a caring ear?  Why not give ourselves the opportunity to say aloud to another traveler what we believe?

I was blessed by this man and his conversation.  We are both travelers moving through life trying to make sense of it all.  We are both aware that we are learners.  Neither of us have the key to life.  Neither of us have all the answers.  But, we shared the important questions of life.  On a golf course.  On a summer day.  A moment in time.

Our Story

Our Story--

We must see more than our own story.  Those words were spoken by our pastor Sunday morning.  See more than our story.  Hearing those words made me pause and think.  Actually, they forced me to reflect on my own life.  On my way of looking at the world and the people in it.

My story has many chapters.  Growing up on a farm in Arkansas, college, marrying the guy on the neighboring farm, moving, moving, moving.  Having a son.  Continuing my career in several states.  Watching our son grow up and move on through college and law school.  Being joyful when he found the person to spend his life with.  Grandchildren.  Lovely, sweet, spirited, normal kids.

Of course there is much more to the story.  My life has many sides.  So does yours.  All those sides make us who we are.  Some of it good.  Some of it better.  A little worse.  And some delightful.  As long as we are alive, we add new chapters to our story.

Is it possible that we make a judgment on others due to the one story we know about them?  Absolutely.  It takes a little time and energy to delve into another person's story.  We have to listen.  Maybe ask a few non threatening questions.  Show genuine interest in learning what makes them tick.  So much easier to see that one side.  So less work.  But, we do ourselves such an injustice when we make an assumption and then move on.  We never gain insight into the real person.  We only see that one side that everyone else sees.

Certainly our story includes our families and career.  But, more than that, I think this is about investing energy in knowing others.  Realizing that everyone has multiple layers.  Some folks hold their true story close to their heart.  There is no need or want to share.  At least to every person who comes into view.  Trust must first be established before we divulge our true story.  Often we do that deep sharing with one or two.  We are careful and cautious about our lives.  That is a very good thing.  Not everyone is trustworthy.  As we spend time with another person, we learn who they are especially if they share a bit more deeply from their own story.

As we come to know another planet walker, we see the depth of their lives.  We are allowed to see their joys and sorrows.  We are privileged to hear about their failures and disappointments.  And we feel a little less fearful about sharing our own warts.  We have a knowledge down deep within our soul that this person is a gift given to us.  A gift that we must treasure.

When we are out doing what we do and meeting people, realize that they have multiple stories.  They are layers of experiences and beliefs.  Give a little slack to those who annoy.  Perhaps they have reason to be cranky.  We are all a little cranky at times.  Understand that we are seeing one side of their life. One piece of their puzzle.  And they are seeing the same in us.

We get to write our own story.  Everyday.  Every minute.  When my story seems frivilous, I have the power to move toward more meaning.  So do you.  When our time is over on this planet, our story will remain.  In fact, it is all that will remain.  What do we want our story to be?

I think I have a little work to do!  Want to make the sides of my story full of meaning and fun.  How about you?

Toxic. Really?

Toxic.  Really?

Toxic.  The pet word of today.   The word used to describe so many things.  Water, air, relationships.  So much more.

The elements that give us life and keep us living must be free from toxic chemicals.  Free from any contamination that has the power to destroy people, animals, plants.  Our eco system depends on a healthy environment to sustain life.  It took years and years for people to realize or admit that we must tend to our earth just as we tend to everything else in our world.  In certain instances, we waited too late.  Those tree hugging hippies did us all a favor by refusing to give in to powerful companies.  Only takes a few people with a deep sense of right and wrong to make a difference and change the world.

Toxic seems to be the word some people love to use on social media.  When I read that word, I wonder what has happened to those who have written it.  Usually it is written in reference to people.  My guess is it is written about people who don't agree with the writer.  Or who might have a difference of opinion.  I certainly agree that we need to walk away from those  whose purpose is to pull us down.  However, it has been my experience that there are only a few who fit that category.

Whatever happened to friendly discussion?  Are we so right that we are afraid that someone with a different opinion might contaminate us?  Can we not see another point of view?  Is the way we believe the way it truly is?  Do we hide within our little group of like-minded people and refuse to see anything that doesn't fit into that box we have built?  Is it essential that everyone have the same values and beliefs and actions that we have?  Or can we see value in discussion?  Can we allow ourselves to think outside the tiny box that we hold close?  What might happen if we opened the door to that box and walked among the rest of the world?  It is so easy to stay within our own system of belief.  So easy to say the right words.  So easy to do the acts of kindness.  So easy to care for others.  Yet, I wonder  down deep within our souls who we really are.  Do we see ourselves in truth, or do we see what we want to see?

I have learned that there are only a few who want to take part in serious discussion about their beliefs.  What are we afraid of?  Are we afraid that if others learn what we think, they will think we are strange?  How safe we live.  We look alike, sound alike, talk alike.  Anyone who isn't like us--well, we can be friendly and kind.

Toxic is a serious word.  If people understood it was being used about them, it would be too hurtful to digest.  Who has the right to label another with that word?  Just because there are differences of opinion does not mean that a person is--that word.  It means there is disagreement.  It means there are different values.  It might mean one person sits in judgement of others.  I don't like that word being used against people.  I think it would be better to simply sit down and visit with anyone whose relationship is going south.  End it with kindness.  At least from your side of the situation.  Labeling those who are different from us is very serious business.

If saying that I wonder if we are an experiment placed here to work out challenges and see what good we can do is toxic, then so be it.  I don't know why we are here.  When I think about this earth, this tiny earth, spinning around in space, my mind cannot take it in.  The more we know about all of this, the more wonderful it is.  And I wonder why we were placed here.  How we  were placed here.  What we are to learn?  What we are to do?   We are so small.  Yet within our small being is the power to do so much good.  Why do we waste our time worrying about one person who might not be our best friend?  Who might bring something we find offensive to our world?  Is it really that important?  If we were placed here to see what we could do and become, are we succeeding?  Thinking about life from a different point of view does not mean I am a toxic person.  It simply means, to me, that I think about many things and don't accept a simple answer.  Sometimes.  Often.

Yes, there are people who have evil as their purpose.  Their life.  They fail to recognize the wonder of it all.  They are part of a system that I don't understand.  When I see the world, I see precious people.  People who simply want to have the opportunity to live and be at peace.  We can be different yet get along.  We don't have to hurt one another.  Yet we do.  Now, those are the toxic people.  Those whose main objective is to kill and hurt as many as possible.  Those who believe their way is the only way.  Those are mean spirited people.  Those are get even people.

So, perhaps we might rethink that ugly word.  That word that is used to describe oil spills and factories spewing poison into the air.  It is used to discuss the bug and plant killing chemicals we spray on plants.  It is a killer of life.  Human, animal, plant.  It is serious business.  We legislate against many things that are toxic. We impose fines.  We try to control that which hurts this space.

Just because we are different from others does not mean we are toxic.  If my church is not the same as yours, that doesn't mean either is toxic.  It simply means that we have chosen to accept the beliefs of the one we attend.  Even then it is possible to disagree within that structure.  To my mind it becomes toxic when there is no tolerance or love for others.  Especially those who are outside our own group.  Often we believe we are different from our chosen group.  Maybe a little more enlightened.  A little more tolerant.  I wonder.

Ok.  I am finished with toxic.  It is a word I hardly ever use.  I never use it in relationship to other folks.  I value the fact that others live on this space with me.  We may not agree. We may not even like one another, but I am  not the judge of them.  It is not my place to hide behind words written in social media and put others in their place.  It simply is not my right.  It is my right and duty to do good and help others while I have breath.  To encourage others.  Not just those who are like me.  But those who are very different from me.  After all, I am only a tiny speck on a very small ball revolving in a huge space.

Done.

What Drives You?

What Drives You?

What drives each of us?  What one thing or combination of things drive us?  A question worth examining.  Deserves a second look.

Fear.  Fear has the power to drive us.  Fear puts our defenses up.  When we feel threatened, we feel fear.  Fear that someone or something will override us.  Feeling threatened causes us to behave in ways we would not ordinarily behave.  We might pull in to protect ourselves.  We might become agitated.  Fear plays out in numerous ways in our lives.  If you have experienced fear, then you know what words apply for you.  You understand what happened at that exact moment you felt fear.  A rapid heart beat, apprehension.  Fear can certainly be a very good thing.  We don't want to walk into situations that present immediate danger.  Like walking into a lion's cage.  Extreme, right?  I think you know what I am saying.  We have all turned and walked away when fear showed itself.  Living with a fear that drives us--something to think about.  It is a hiding place.

Anger.  Our best friend.  The one that stands up for us. That causes our blood to stir. That allows us to bully our way through situations and people.  Anger takes on many faces.  It may appear in hurtful, hateful words.  It can cause us to strike out at others.  We might hit something or someone.  Our blood pressure certainly rises.  In times of extreme anger it is possible that we don't hear anyone but ourselves.  We are so sure we are in the right, and someone else or some situation is wrong.  Thinking flies out the window.  We behave on raw emotion.  Doors slam.  Faces become distorted.  Voices rise.  Accusations are flung out into the air.  Not one thought is given to the other person or situation.  This is lash out time.  And boy, is it fun.  I would much rather yell about how I have been wronged than give a thought to my part in the entire situation.  Anger becomes a defense mechanism.  We are justified in feeling anger.

Anger has a positive side as well.  It moves us to action when action is necessary.  Anger sees a system that allows children to be hungry while corporations become richer.  Anger has the power to move us to seek ways to combat injustice to children. They are helpless in a world full of people who have more than is needed to live a full life.  Moving people off their ground zero into seeing truth can cause anger.  But, it is righteous anger.  It is anger for a right purpose.  It isn't aimed at a person who didn't do something we wanted at the exact moment we wanted it.  It is anger that makes this world a better place for others with great need.  Being civil is the way to move others most of the time.  But there are times when anger has its place.

Hate.  Such a hard, ugly word.  At least for me.  Hate has the power to consume.  To take total control over our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.  It allows for no discussion.  It sees everything through one set of eyes.  Hate overrides our entire being.  From where I sit, this is a part of us that needs to be examined and controlled.  When I happen to be in the presence of hate, I try to exit immediately.  However, it is a word we throw around.  We hate peas.  We hate hot weather. We hate rain. We hate a neighbor. We hate our President. We hate, hate, hate.  It could be that we use this word to mean dislike.  I certainly hope so. It is possible that people who use hate in their sentences have no idea that they are being judged by those words.  They are usually negative.  If there is a down side to anything, they are all over it.  It is easy to become a hateful person.  Life is certainly not fair.  Situations arise in all lives when fair treatment is extended to others but not us.  We feel the sting of rejection.  We are overlooked for that promotion.  Someone we don't like was awarded the better paying job.  Teachers pick on our person.  And it goes on and on.  Yes, hate is easy.  Forgiving and moving on makes for a healthier, more enjoyable life.  The choice is ours--a difficult one.

Disgust.  Write your own thoughts.

Love.  Much more than a word.  An action.  A verb.  Our culture throws this word around so much that it is difficult to grasp the real meaning.  Love has many uses.  We love so much in this world.  A gentle breeze on a hot day.  Ice cream.  That new outfit that makes us look amazing.  A trip to a new place.  I love that we love so many things.  Loving things is not bad.  It only becomes a negative when things are more important than those who live in our space.  Love means saying you are sorry for an action or words that hurt another.  Love means walking that extra mile or two to be of assistance to someone in need whether you know them or not.  Love wraps its arms around hurting folks bringing comfort and care.  Love smiles and laughs.  It refuses to wear a chip that begs to be knocked off that shoulder.  It puts itself out there knowing hurt may come.  Misunderstanding may arise.  It knows that communication is the key to righting wrongs.  And lack of communication ends relationships.  Love gives others that last word we all so desperately want.  What real difference does it make who says those last ugly words, anyway?

Love does not allow itself to be walked over.  I think it is called tough love.  That phrase means that even when we love someone, we will do what is necessary to move them to a better place in their lives.  We might refuse to do what they ask or demand. We might take an action that seems terrible to those who do not understand.  We might bring an intervention hoping to move someone forward in their lives.  We might end a hurtful relationship.  Loving does not mean everything will be rosy.  It means we will rejoice in those moments that are beautiful and refuse to be drawn into someone else's beliefs if those are not our own.  Yes, we will probably be accused of not loving when we take a stand that is difficult for others.  We know the truth. We are loving from the deepest part of our being.

There are so many more emotions that I could list.  You would become fatigued from reading.  The point is something drives each of us.  We live with that one thing or combination of things that move us to be who we are.  Realizing the force that moves us helps us rethink.  Do we really want to be driven by something that is not the best?  Takes work.  Lots of work.  Might even take changing our minds.  Oh no!  Not that.  We have held onto those emotions our entire life.  What might happen if we try to move toward being a healthier person?  Will others reject our effort?  Do we care?

Each day we are driven by something we hardly recognize anymore.  We don't name it.  It is simply who we are, we say.  Or is it?

A Thoughtful Moment

A Thoughtful Moment--

Sitting at a table in the middle of a corridor in the airport.  Enjoying a lovely cup of coffee.  Thinking about being back in our home, and all the plans we have.

My thoughts turned from the projects awaiting to the people all around me.  Some were walking slowly.  No doubt they had a layover so there was no need to rush.  Others were hurrying.  Running even.  Planes wait for no one.  They knew that.  Food courts full of customers with wallets in hand ready to purchase food for the journey.   Interesting shops abuzz with lookers.  A few walked out with treasures wrapped in tissue paper.

All sizes and shapes.  The people, I mean.  Such diversity.  Pink hair, blue hair.  Brown and blonde hair.  Red hair from nature and bottles.  Boots, sandals, tennis shoes.   Very high heels worn by very young women.  Young women who had given considerable thought to how they would look that day.  Black lace-up boots.

Diversity in clothing styles, also.  Shorts, slack, long skirts, jeans.  All colors and designs worn together creating a look that shouted LOOK AT ME.  And I did.  Loved it that people felt free to be themselves.  To wear clothing that, on a canvas, would be an abstract painting.  Swirls, stripes, checks all in bright colors.  These belonged mostly to the young.  Those who had not felt the pull to fall in line with the black slacks and jacket.  There is nothing wrong with dressing in a conservative manner.  The majority of people do.  However, it is so refreshing to see those who will take the risk of being different.  Maybe it isn't a risk to them.  I love it.

Everyone I observed was either heading away or returning.  Many languages were spoken.  All together in this one spot.  One moment in time.  Walking side-by-side.  Smiling.  Offering a helping hand.  Moving to allow those in a hurry to pass.  At peace with one another.  Never to be together in this one spot again.  Yes, a moment in time.

As I looked over this sea of humanity, I was struck once again with the knowledge that we are all one small speck of dust.  No matter how important we believe we are, we are all the same.  Made from dust.  We cannot escape that fact.  We are put together the exact same way.  Yet,  these specks of dust have the power to change the world.  Isn't that an amazing truth?  People have the power to change this world into something so much more magnificent.  It seems we tend to forget that we are much more alike than different.  How wonderful if we could celebrate our likeness.  For peace to reign on this planet, we have to get to that place.

On this ball revolving through space, we all move about.  Probably never thinking about how marvelous it all is.  This beautiful place we call home.  This planet that provides us with exactly what we need to live and thrive.  Just outside our ceiling is a world that would take our lives in an instant.  Just outside.  Yet, we are safe here.  We are protected here.  We should take a few minutes to be grateful and thankful that we are in such a lovely place in this vast universe.

And then my mind reminds me that each person sharing space with me in this airport is a precious person.  Precious to those who await their return.  Ready to welcome them home.  Each belonging to a familly.  Each with a purpose for life.  Each acting on what they believe is their purpose.  Peaceful and loving.  Families pushing babies.  Babies held tightly against a mother's chest sleeping soundly.  The promise of a future within that sleeping babe.  Strollers full of little people, bags, purses, food, computers, toys and so much more move among the crowds.  Yes, it is a time to be thankful for the precious gift of life.

Inside the minds and hearts of all these people are solutions for hunger, poverty, inequality, war.  Someone walking the corridors of this airport has an idea for one or more of these challenges.   That person only needs to meet another person with the same shared passion.  Great ideas waiting to give birth are all around.  Which one?  Who has the desire to be the change that must happen?  Him?  Her?  Them?

Glancing at my watch I see that it is almost time to board the plane.  One last glance before I put the empty cup in the recycle bin.  Happily we make our way to our silver bullet that will slice through time and space and eventually deliver us safely to our destination.  Feeling the wonder of it all.

Much can be learned at an airport.

A Brief Encounter

A Brief Encounter--

We met them as we turned the corner.  They were pulling suitcases.  He looked tired and sweaty.  She tried to put on that happy face that strangers do sometimes.  It was evident they had had a very long day.

We pulled up along side of them and asked how their day had been.  Where had they started from?  They were eager to share the story of their day.  It began in California.  Things went south from those words.  A three hour delay.  Three hours is a long time to be delayed at an airport or on a plane.  I didn't ask which.  He said they were given bottles of warm water and warm soda.  His face was not a happy face when he said those words.

We stopped for a bit and visited.  I asked why they were in Salem.  She said they were moving here.      They came to purchase a house.  Already had some spots in mind.  It was obvious they were excited about the prospect of starting life in a new place.

We spoke for a few minutes, and then said our goodbyes. We wished them well as they began their new life.  They looked like they needed a shower and food.  And cold water.

It was a quick encounter.  Strangers passing in a hotel hallway.  Nothing deep or lasting.  Yet, I think there is a lesson or two in these types of meetings.  We learn much when we take the time to engage with strangers.  We learn their dreams. Their hopes.  Their desires.  We learn what makes them happy, and what is a discouragement to them.  And because they were so willing to share, we were able to give them encouragement.

A brief moment in time.  So much of life is just that.  Brief moments.  Those quick moments leave lasting impressions, don't they?  When I think of that couple last evening, I think of all that awaits them on this new journey.  I remember how eager they were to begin.   They reminded me that life is full of moments that seem unimportant, but really do have much to teach us.

Not all encounters are so sweet.  There are times when ugly words are spoken.  Words that stay with us for a lifetime.  Words that serve no real purpose.  Words that are meant to hurt.  Sometimes those words catch us by surprise.  Sometimes we are not surprised at all because we know where they came from.  Then there are those times when we speak words that are not uplifting.  Not encouraging.  Not kind.  Once in awhile words like these are written down for the receiver to read.  To respond or not?

Let's put words on a scale.  Tipping the scale on the right are all the words that make people want to move forward.  Words of encouragement to try that new thing.  Words that bring a smile.  Words that comfort.  Words that build up those who are discouraged. Words that tickle our hearts.  Words that correct with kindness.  Words of care.  Words full of joy.  And hope.  And love.

On the left side of the scale let's put......no, let's not put any words that bring unhappiness to anyone.  Let's fill both sides of the scale with positive, uplifting words.  Let's be the person others wish to be around.  Let's do that.  Shall we?

Even though they were beyond tired, they wanted to tell their story.  We all need that.  We need someone to listen to our experiences. We need strangers to laugh about our horrid day waiting to leave an airport.  We need one another.  It is that simple.  What we don't need is judgment.  We really do not need that.

They never intended to remind me about the importance of moments.  They would probably be quite surprised to learn that they did.  I am grateful for those two sweet souls who took a short walk with us and shared their life.  May we never forget that moments are what life is made of.  One after another.  After another. After another...

The Magic of Sand

The Magic of Sand-

Recently we had the opportunity to watch creative people build sand castles.  We watched them build forms, fill those forms with sand and over a bit of time make magic out of sand.  Sand that only a few minutes before it was shoveled into buckets and poured into forms was rather nondescript.  Just sand.

Sand became the material for dreamers.  It allowed itself to change.  To become what the dreamer pictured in the mind.  Occasionally it would escape the forms only to be shoved and pushed back into the spot it had vacated.  Large mounds became mice and frogs.  Castles emerged.  Bridges and churches evolved.  Whatever the dreamer imagined became real.

The atmosphere was festive.  Spectators wandered up and down the line of creators and creations.  Everyone talked about their favorite.  Cameras and phones snapped pictures to show to those who were not in attendance.  Questions were asked of the workers.  What tools were they allowed to use?  How long before the tide washed the wonders away?  Did they mourn the devestation as they watched their creations destroyed?

It allowed itself to change.  My goodness.  What a lesson for us all.  If something as simple as sand has the ability to become a majestic castle, then what are the possibilities for the human race?  One grain of sand added to another grain of sand and another has the ability to become something wonderful.  We humans have the same ability.  We live on this planet together, and together we have the ability to become something majestic.  When we work toward a worthy goal that blesses the lives of others, we create something wonderful.  For that to happen, cooperation is necessary.

Ten people were allowed inside the designated area for creating a sand castle.  Only ten.  Those ten people knew their jobs.  They knew what had to be accomplished.  They understood their role in the creative process.  Each concentrated on their part.  With knives and turkey basters, they manipulated the sand.  It became paint in their hands.  Ten people working toward the same goal.  No arguing about whose part was the most important.  No bickering about needing help.  No fussing about being too tired to continue.  Only happy faces.  Faces concentrating.  Examining their work.  Changing when change was necessary.

And I thought that is how good gets accomplished.  One person shares a dream with another.  Then another learns and joins.  Soon the original dream is better because more people are involved.  Ideas are shared.  Questions are asked.   Everyone works toward the shared goal.  People with different backgrounds, different ideas, different experiences joining together because they know that together more can be accomplished.  Being part of a group that brightens the planet is joyful.

If one grain of sand has the power to become something much bigger by joining other grains of sand,  what does that say to us?  To those of us who have the ability to work together?  Who see situations everyday that need change?  Who have more than we need yet continue to strive for more?  Who fill our lives with good but possibly not the best?  What holds us back?  Do we need a form just like the sand to hold us together as we strive to make our space on this planet better?  Something beautiful?  Do we believe that our time has come and gone?  We all have to answer these and other questions for ourselves.  Is sand ever too old to become something changed?  Something different?

It is true.  Grains of sand do not change unless they are forced.  People are sometimes like that, too.  It is a simple thing to become complacent.  To be so satisfied with ourselves and our lives that we fail to see the obvious.  That we are but one grain of sand amid thousands.  As I walked among the large crowds of people watching the magic happen, I was so aware of how alike we all are.  People were talking together.  Holding the hands of children.  Laughing at shared stories.   Visiting with strangers.  And I thought how wonderful it was to see all the different nationalities together enjoying the day.

I walked away from the festivities with a full heart.   I felt hopeful for our world.  Hopeful that all of us living together on this planet have the ability to be changed.  To be transformed into something wonderful.  It all depends on the forms we allow to shape us.  And our ability to allow ourselves to become something new.

The Celebration

The Celebration-

What is it that people want out of this life?  What makes people smile, giggle, laugh out loud?  The answers are all over the board.  What pleases one may not make any sense to another.  What tickles one may seem super silly to others.  That means it is difficult to make a list that would answer those questions.

However, I would like to take a shot at some possible responses.  Let's begin with the first question.  What do people want out of life?  Actually the answer is quite simple.  Most desire a job that pays enough to have a home, enough to pay the bills and buy groceries.   A little left over for fun activities.  Maybe a ballgame.  Or an occasional concert.  Enough to take that special someone to dinner.  Or the kids for ice cream on a hot, muggy day.

Other possibilities include someone to share life with.  Someone to listen without judgment.  Someone to hold when storms surround.  Someone to appreciate and respect our accomplishments.  To welcome us home.  To share special times.  And, of course, dear friends.  What would this life be like without those special folks who brighten our life simply by walking into our space.  Those people who love us even when we are most unloveable.  Who rejoice in our victories and cry with us when  our lives fall apart.  These folk fill the void that often overwhelms us.  And when we are at our lowest point, they remind us that we are worthy.  That we have much to give.  That it isn't always about us.

These are the people who celebrated our 50th with us.  These precious people who share pieces of our lives.  Together we have made many memories.  We have taken trips together, attended concerts and graduations, accompained choirs,  borrowed reading glasses, cried together when life hurt.  These are the ones who brighten our day.  Who laugh with us until our sides are sore.  This wonderfully diverse group of people fill us up.  Each brings something quite unique to our relationship.

So, yes, we celebrated our 50th anniversary this weekend.  Fifty years with one person.  Quite a feat in today's world.  Ups and downs.  Laughter and tears.  Anger and quiet.   Compassion and no compassion.   All the emotions that make us human merged together.  Yet, we have held steady.  We have worked through challenging times.  When I look back, I can honestly say it has been good.  So good.

We had a party.  Invited friends and family.  Worked and worked in our yard.  Tended the plant beds.  Added compost.  Trimmed shrubs-all except the ones with nests.  Those are quite overgrown now.  We painted the deck.  Planted flowers.  Mopped the floors.  Dusted the furniture.  Ordered good food.  Bought wine.  Lots of wine.  We hoped for a sunny day.  Even a cloudy one.  However, that was not to be.

As time drew near for the party to begin, clouds began to turn that dark shade of blue that signals a storm.  So we took the party inside.  Folks visited.  I remember laughter.  And then the sky opened and the rains came.  Over an inch of liquid sunshine.  We continued to party.  A bolt of lightening caused a car alarm to start.  The owner turned it off inside the house.  At some point I realized the house was much hotter than it should be.  When the bolt of lightening turned the car alarm on,  it must have done something to the air conditioner.  Yes, repairs were necessary.  Expensive repairs.  Yet, the party continued.

At one point I heard my piano.  Someone was playing.  Downstairs I hurried.  There I found my friend entertaining guests.  Nothing to do but join her on the bench.  We played three hands for quite a little bit.  Such fun.  Such memories of us playing in church.  I admit I was a bit rusty, but kept up most of the time.  A few choice words did escape my lips as I worked to keep up with her.  She is a wonderful pianist.  I am average.  Together we make it work.

More rain as people began to leave.  While most drove off our lawn and onto the road with no problem, a couple became stuck in the mud.  Mud that wasn't there when they arrived.  Mud that presented itself as the rains poured from the sky.  Husband retrieved the Kabota and chain and wearing rain gear and boots, began to pull people onto the driveway.  Not exactly what we had in mind for our party.  Memories!

One vehicle was in too deep.  Time to call a tow truck.  Is that what you call it?  Anyway, it took quite a long time for it to arrive.  After much work, the car was successfully pulled to the driveway, and the poor people finally got to depart our yard.  The party continued.  And as it continued, I thought about what people truly want.

It is my belief that people want love, respect and acceptance more than anything money could buy.  People want the warmth of a smile when others see them.  They want a friendly greeting.  They need to know that others enjoy their company.  None of these can be bought.  Not with cash, check or credit card.  These things come from the heart.  These things are given away to others from hearts full of gratitude for life itself.  Filling our lives with friends and family makes our life worth something.  Walking through my house watching and listening to those who came to celebrate with us, I was reminded again how precious life is.  How grand it is to share life with others.  I saw eyes sparkle and shine with lovely greetings.  I heard laughter floating across the rooms.  What delight.  What absolute delight.

Yes, I truly believe that what we all need is a large dose--a tablespoon full-of love.  Of acceptance.  Of respect.  Heaped up and overflowing so that our joy in living touches all those we meet.  I felt those things in my home.  I felt loved.  I felt respected.  I felt accepted.  Those are the things I wish for others to feel.  To know that they are valued.

Eventually the evening ended.  People were hugged and thanked for helping us celebrate our special day.  Dishes were stacked for another day.  Cards were read again.  Gifts were placed with cards ready for thank-you's to be written.  Exhausted, we made our way to bed.  Naturally sleep did not come.  I was way too excited to allow myself to fall to sleep.  I wanted to remember it all.  To relive moments with people.  To be grateful for it all.

We are so blessed.  We made memories with delightful people who call us friend.  What more could we possibly ask?

John

John--

For awhile I have been giving thought to this blog.  It is important to me to write it, but try as I will, the words are elusive.  They seem far, far away.  This happens sometimes.   Feelings and thoughts swirl around in my head but don't make their way to this page.  This is the time to simply do it.

A few weeks ago a group of guys celebrated winning the state baseball tournament twenty-five years ago.  Our son was a member of that team.  It was a lovely time of celebration and remembrance.  I visited with all the team members.  Learned where they live, how many children they have, what careers they chose.  Twenty-five years melted away in a moment.  I saw them all as the high school guys who walked the halls of our school.  Some played several sports.  Others performed in my chorus.  A group of cool guys then and now.

Seeing all the parents again was wonderful.  We shared stories of that year.  We laughed.  We listened as team members gave speeches of remembrance.  They told us what they learned from being on the team.  What life lessons their coach instilled within them.  We parents were delighted to share that evening with our special team.

Everyone was happy.  Everyone in that room was full of joy.  People hugged.  Shook hands.  Smiled.

And then the unthinkable happened.  One of the fathers died.  Suddenly.  Without warning.  He was there that night laughing and visiting with all the guys and other parents.  I remember talking briefly to him.  His eyes were dancing with such happiness.  His son was there to celebrate, and he got to spend that precious time with him.   Who would have thought that that night would be the last celebration his family shared.  Who would have believed that soon he would know what we will all know one day.

He was a good man.  A funny guy.  A guy who loved to tease with young people.  Who loved his wife and children beyond measure.  Who treasured his grandchildren.  Who had  tons of friends.  Who never met a stranger.  Who would do anything for others.

We need more like him in this world.  More who do what he did when his son was playing little league.  My husband coached the team his son played on.  Our son played on that team, also.  My husband shared this story with me after we learned of his death.  He said it was time for a game to begin.  In the distance he saw one of his players walking with his father.  The player was carrying his uniform all nicely folded.  It seems the player had not finished a book report.  His father had told him if it wasn't finished, he would not play ball.  The father stood firm.  His word meant something.  He knew how important it was for his son to play ball, but he also knew it was a moment to teach a valuable lesson.  Even though it probably meant a challenging evening at home, he did what he said he would do.  My husband had great respect for him from that day forth.

An illness gives us time to prepare.  We have time to gather those things that we will need when the time together ends.  We have time to visit and remember.  To share.  When someone leaves quickly,  it knocks us off our feet.  Our balance is shattered.  We don't know how to feel or behave.  Questions flood our minds.  Did we do this or that?  Were we loving enough?  Could we have prevented this from happening?  The questions haunt us.  People try to be a comfort, but comfort is elusive.  We need one more moment.  One more word.  One more hug.  But, it will not be.

At times like this we grasp the real meaning of life.  It isn't about stuff.  It is about people.  It is about times shared.  Lives lived together creating a home.  Special moments.  It is about loving one another well.  Getting over hurts.  Getting on with celebration.  Learning from mistakes.  Growing through disappointments.  Accepting what we cannot understand.  Reaching out to others in kindness and grace.

I am grateful for the years he walked this earth.  For the lives he touched.  For the memories he gave to others.  For the family he and his wife created.  For the children and grandchildren who adored him.

And I am thankful for that one small moment when our eyes met, and we smiled at one another amid the chatter and laughter of a twenty-five year celebration.

Facing the Unknown

Facing the Unknown--

I would have made a terrible pioneer woman.  Being part of a wagon train that made its way from the Midwest to the Northwest sounds horrible to me.  No air conditioning, no power steering, no cruise control.  No service stations where treats line shelves.  No diet soda waiting in coolers.  No lovely motels with swimming pools and free breakfast.  No clean linens on beds. No Gps.  And this is the short list of no's.

During my life I have made many trips along the route those women traveled.  I remember one trip with my parents and two sisters. We were traveling from Arkansas to Oregon to visit our grandparents.  No air conditioning in the car.  No dvd's to watch or games to play.  Miles and miles and miles of riding.  I well remember the strong arm of the law swinging from the driver to the backseat.  That was a warning of what might happen if we didn't stop whatever we were doing.  I suppose we were arguing about someone being too close-invading our space.  Pushing and shoving them to the right or left.  No one wanted to be in the middle.  A horrid place to be.  Etched into my memory is the moment the car swerved to the right and stopped on the shoulder of the road.  Silence filled the back seat.  We knew trouble was knocking at our door.   We were told to remove ourselves from the car.  We were lined up on the side of the road like convicts being counted before boarding the bus that would take them back to prison.  The guard, that is our father,  then laid down the law.  We were to stop all the nonesense.  Or else.  We assured him we would do better.  Only then were we allowed to climb back into the car.  And the journey began again.   I wonder now how we ever survived that trip.

Between my junior and senior year of high school my grandparents invited me to spend the summer with them.  How to get there was the challenge. They lived in Oregon.  We lived in Arkansas.  It was decided that I would fly out there.  Now, that is the time in history when people dressed in their finest anytime they traveled by plane.  And there were no direct flights.  No cell phones to check for delays.  No jets.  Propeller planes.

I remember seeing the plane at the airport.  That was when everyone could come and be right there at the bottom of the steps to hug goodbye.  I was all brave-until I saw how big the plane was.  Then I became a little frightened.  There was a lay-over in Kansas City.  I was to change planes.  I remember I had an overnight case with me.  It would be necessary to see the ticket agent when we arrived in Kansas City.  Young, inexperienced, a little scared I found my way to the ticket agent.  That person checked my ticket and told me I was not confirmed to Portland.  I was in a panic.  What was I to do?  It was a great lesson in the kindness of strangers.  That person told me to sit down and give them time to figure out what to do.  In no time I had a ticket to Portland.  I spent a wonderful summer with my grandparents before heading back for my last year of high school.

I completed college in three and a half years.  That meant I was ready to join the work force in January of my senior year.  During my student teaching a principal came to visit me. He offered me a job.  It would begin in January.  I had my first teaching position.  At the end of my first semester of teaching, one of my sisters and I made the trip to the Northwest to see our grandparents.  This trip was the trip from hell.

We took a Greyhound bus.  All the way across country from Arkansas to Oregon.  Stopping in every town along the way.  Riding day and night.  Hurrying into diners for breakfast sometimes holding our food in our hands as the bus driver gave us only a little time to purchase food. Same for lunch and dinner.  Riding, riding, riding.  No place to shower.  No time to walk around.  Just riding.

We had to change buses in Denver.  No big deal.  Just get off one and get on another.  No trip to the Northwest is that easy.  There was a bus strike in Denver.  No buses were traveling further West.  What to do!  After much talking with agents, I learned that there was one bus that might leave in a few hours. I was told which one.  We quickly made our way to that bus, secured our seat and waited hoping it would pull out of the lot and onto the open road.  More people came and soon the bus was full.  Then the driver arrived, and we were off.  No doubt that was the worst of the worst trips ever.

When we arrived in Portland, our grandparents had to hold their noses.  They smelled us way before they saw us.  Baths were the only thing we wanted.  Baths and good food.  And a bed.  At the end of our visit with them, I found myself with my first car driving all the way to Los Angeles.  I had never seen a freeway with  four lanes of traffic.  The signage was not nearly as advanced.  Map reading was a must.  After a visit in Los Angeles, we headed east and traveled all the way to Arkansas.  Another first.  This time the car was a little nicer and there were only the two of us.  No backseat full of little girls.  Air conditioning even.

Since those memorable trips, I have made that journey many times.  In cars and trucks.  Mostly on jets.  Lovely jets with bathrooms and food.   Movies.  Air conditioning.  Silver bullets that slice through the air moving us from place to place.  What took days and days now takes hours.  That is if there are no delays.  There was one other memorable trip from here to there.  It was winter.  We were traveling to Oregon once again.  We made it to  Denver.  In Denver we learned there was a storm in the Northwest.  No planes were flying.  Airports were closed.  So we were stranded in the Denver airport for two or three days.  Eventually the airports opened, and we were on our way.

Arriving in Seattle we learned that no planes were flying to Portland.  We would have to take a train.  But, first we had to take a bus to catch the train.  We were bused across Seattle to the train station which by this time was over crowded with people trying to reach their destinations.  An announcement over the loud speaker informed us that there would be a delay as trees and mud slides covered part of the train tracks.  They didn't know when we would be able to board the train.  People did what people do.  They found places to sit on the floor and prepared for the wait.

Eventually we were told we could board the train.  It takes three and a half hours to make the trip from Seattle to Portland.  Usually.  This time took much longer as the train traveled quite slowly watching for debris on the tracks.  Finally we arrived in Portland.  We had been told we would continue our journey to Salem on the train.  In Portland we were told we had to hurry to catch the bus that would take us the rest of our way.  The train tracks were blocked.  So we boarded the bus for the last leg of our journey.

As we neared Salem, the bus driver announced that we would need to call for a cab as the station was closed.  It was very late by this time.  We did that.  The cab was waiting for us.  Thank goodness.  We were only a few miles from our home.  As we made the drive to our condo, the cab driver told us he could only take us so far.  The roads were iced.  We would have to walk the rest of the way.  Really?    He got us as close as he could.  There was a path cleared through the snow and ice leading to our condo.  We carefully made our way down the steep driveway.   We were finally there.

No, I am no pioneer woman.  My trips across country did not require the patience and strength of those who went before.  But I like to think they passed some of their pioneering spirit down to me.  I like to think their ability to overcome obstacles flows through me.  I want to believe that their spirit of adventure lives in my spirit.  That we share the belief that we can take what is put in front of us and make it work.  And if we find ourselves with real challenges,  we can figure out how to survive.

We continue to be pioneers.  Space, planets, deep oceans, technology, medicine.  We walk new pathways.  We open the way for those who will come after us.  Just like those who crossed the plains, we are crossing the unknown.  Making decisions as we go.   Ever increasing our knowledge.

And making spandex available in all sizes.

A Starting Point

A Starting Point-

This quote by Nido Qubin caught my attention.

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you go; they merely determine where you start."

Sometimes I feel stuck.   Stuck in time and place.  Stuck in routine.  Mired in daily doings.  My present circumstances dictating my actions.  When these feelings cover my whole being, there is no thinking about a starting point.  There is only a spot.  No opportunities to choose a way.  Discouragement becomes my second skin.  Can't move out of it.

Do you ever find yourself wishing for a starting point?  Wishing for one more chance?  Thinking that if you could just have one more shot at whatever it is you want or need, your life would get back on target?

I think one thing the author of the quote is trying to convey is we are always moving.  We are never still.  What we are engaged in now is not what will hold our attention in a week, a month, a year.  How wise we are when we grasp that truth.  Nothing is forever.  Where we are now is our springboard. The place we begin the next piece of our journey.  Certainly there is fear in believing we are ready to start something new.  What will others think?  What do we think we can bring to the table that hasn't already been placed on it?  Do we honestly believe we have anything to give that others would want?  As we move toward positive responses to those and other questions that plague us, we realize that to be our authentic self, moving is required.

Maybe Robert Frost was correct. Those two roads that diverge in life make us stop and think.  This one or that one?  We can only glimpse what might be around the bend.  It is secret.  Hidden from us.  Asking us to trust ourselves and those who wish to help us.  One step down the chosen road...then another.   Baby steps.   Hesitant.   Halting.  Looking back to the other choice.  Was this the right one?  Are we on the path that will be our new beginning?  Is it possible to leave behind those broken parts of our lives and move forward?  The next step.  Our new start.  Frightening sometimes.  But full of wonder.  What will we find?  Who will join us on the road to our fresh start?

Each new day is a gift.  We leave behind us the day before.  And the day before that.  Yet, I think we tend to take those "before" days with us into our new start.  We hold on to things that we should let go. We stew in our juices about words spoken, decisions made.  We are held captive to our own thoughts. And when that happens, we cannot start anything new.  We have not allowed the past to be the past.  We bring it into our future.  Not that we want to drag it into our tomorrows.  It takes will power to move forward.  It takes conviction that we are right in starting something new.  It takes courage to honestly believe that new beginnings are not only possible but are an absolute.   The moment we realize these truths, we are ready to start.  To explore what has been patiently waiting for us.

Years ago I complained to a person that writing was so difficult.  Who would ever want to read anything that came into my mind.  The response was to open myself to whatever presented itself.  To push fear behind me.  To believe in myself.  That person was a radio station manager.  Because of him and his encouragement, I had air time on his station for a few years.  I realized that I would be traveling a new and uncertain road.  One I had not been down before.  It was a starting point.  One that brought new experiences.

Feeling stuck means I have closed myself off to possibilities.  I have refused to listen to that little voice deep inside that encourages me to do the simple things in life that bring joy to others.  To smile more.  To refuse to become annoyed at silly things.  To see good.  To welcome discussion.  To be kind and patient.  Life usually isn't about big things.  Life is lived in small moments.  One following another.  We are known by those small moments.  Who we are shines through when we offer our care and concern for others.  When we listen.  When we encourage.

Guess I know where my starting point is.  It is staring me right in the face.  What about you?