Who Are You? Who Am I?

Who Are You? Who Am I?-

Who are you? Who am I?  While I enjoy a little thinking now and then, questions like those make me run for cover.  At first glance the answer seems so obvious.  One wonders the need to even think the question let along ask it.  And so we rattle off who we are.  Or do we?

Usually the actual question goes more like this.  "Where do you work? Do you have children?  Where do you live?"  These types of questions have very easy answers.  More often than not, the listener isn't interested in a full accounting.  These questions open the door for dialogue.  Conversation needs a starting point.

Our usual answers speak to the number of years we worked.  We talk about the career path we took.  Perhaps we elaborate a little about our job.  We do that especially if we loved it or hated it.  If we are ambigious about our life work, we hurry on to another question that is more fun to talk about. Or we proudly tell about our children.  If we have grandchildren, we bring out the pictures and talk about how smart they are.  Been there.  Done that. Often our answers include where we chose to live out our lives.   And so it goes.  We do a dance around the answers probably because we understand that that is the expected reply to the question.

I wonder how the conversation would go if the speaker walked out into the deep water and gave a full reply.  My guess is the listener's eyes would glaze over, and they would be thinking about  how to make a graceful exit-plotting their escape.  Been there a few times in my life.  So, what do we want from other people when we ask the questions?  Do we really want to know about their life choices, their favorite ice cream or the color of their living room walls?  Do these answers allow others to know who we really are?

Who am I?  Who are you?  These can be difficult questions.  They ask us to move below the surface of our lives and think beyond the obvious answers.  They ask us to define ourselves in a new way.  Let me tell you.  It is hard work.  It requires us to think deeply about ourselves.  I don't find that interesting at all.  I would much rather learn you than spend any time looking at me. Yet, when I think about the whys of my life, patterns begin to emerge.  I begin to see why I made certain choices and not others.

So, how should we answer those questions that seem so easy?  I think we make the decision about how much to share based on the relationship with the listener.  I am fortunate to have several women who really do want to know who I am.  I feel the same way about them.  We share our pretties and our uglies.  We know judgement is absent.  We can say the most awful thing and still be loved.  We also realize that we are always changing.  What we thought or believed when we were eighteen disappeared long ago.  Life happened to us.  Experiences challenged us.  We are wiser now.  But just as silly.

Who am I?  Here is a sampling of the answer to that question.  I am a learner.  I am an observer.  My head and heart don't always work in harmony thus getting me in trouble sometimes.  Change is necessary for me to thrive.  I welcome new ideas and thoughts that are different from mine as those ideas and thoughts push me to think in new ways. My family grounds me.  Sometimes I laugh when I shouldn't, and cry when it makes no sense.

Now it is your turn.  Who are you?  What defines you?   You can't select a job so don't try to go there!  You have to take a long look into yourself.  And if we ever meet and ask one another these questions,  I hope there is a chair and a drink handy because it will take awhile.