Relationships

Relationships--

Relationships.  Our lives are centered around that word.  We are in multiple relationships all our lives.  Some continue for years.  Others come and then go leaving a small imprint on us.  Some bring discovery.   Others bring that bright spot on a rainy day.  However we define our relationships, it is clear they color our lives.  Relationships are about more than one person.  Or are they?  Could it be that the relationship we have with ourselves is the one that actually colors all others?

If a relationship holds meaning for us, we are willing to keep it strong.  We are willing to do the work that healthy relationships demand.  We make the calls, spend time, work through challenges.  We do these things because they are important to us.  This is all well and good.  But, there is a relationship that we often ignore.  That would be the relationship with ourselves.

Knowing, understanding, loving and forgiving our own self is without a doubt the most difficult task that faces each of us.  To be able to begin this work, we must begin to understand how we developed our view of ourselves.  I believe the view we hold comes from all our life experiences.

The manner in which we were cared for and nutured as a child, the feedback we received from  our attempts at new experiences, the encouragement we received when we failed to meet some expectation, the love we experienced from those we loved are all ways we accquired our view of us.  This is the short list.  These experiences taught us much about the nature of relationships.

It would be wonderful if all the interactions of our past were positive.  How wonderful it would be if every baby born on this earth was cared for and nutured by loving parents/people.  How exciting if we received encouragement when our attempts at new things were met with success.  How uplifting if our attempts were not successful yet we were encouraged to continue trying.  It would be a near perfect world if these interactions were present in our lives from our earliest memories.  The relationships of our childhood certainly play a key role in who we are today.

Understanding why we think, behave and relate to others the way we do might help us move to a new and deeper understanding of ourselves.  Taking a backward look might give us new insight into why we hold certain views about ourselves.  It is entirely possible that our backward view is flawed.  It might be time to open the gate of our hearts and let the past go.  If we are holding on to some view of ourselves that is harmful, we need to take the time to ask ourselves why.  What does keeping that hurtful thing alive in our minds do for us?  Maybe it is time to live in the present.  Yes, it is hard.  Past relationships have a way of reappearing unannounced.  They don't even bother to knock. They simply enter.  I cherish the memories of childhood relationships with loving grandparents and relatives.  I smile when I think about my childhood friends and those teachers who encouraged me to see who I could become.  Those are the nuturing ones.  There are also those that I have chosen to forget.  They bring no joy when I allow them a place in my mind.  So, why would I give them any space at all.  I don't.

There is much more to say about relationships.  Another blog will talk about them from another angle.  One final thought is this.  We all have choice.  We should surround ourselves with those people who bring joy and sunshine into our relationships.  We should celebrate those in our past who encouraged us to move beyond the view of ourselves that was limiting.  We must be thankful for the absolute wonder of sharing our lives with others.