Relationships-A Little More

Relationships-A Little More

A little more about relationships this morning.

Yesterday was a very special day.  My husband and I celebrated forty-nine years together.  Looking back I see two young people who had no idea where life experiences would take them.  We set our own course which was very different from the course most of the people we knew set.  That is what it is all about, isn't it?  Taking the chance that something different is actually good and right.  The years have gone by so quickly.  And here we are almost ready to hit the big celebration.  In this relationship we are both winners.  We have had our differences--sometimes quite loudly!  But, this relationship has been the source of such love and joy.

Following up on the last post--Not everyone has a web of support that celebrates success and allows failure.  Too many times our success is measured against another's expectations.  In this way of doing things there are few winners.  Someone is holding the measuring stick.  Healthy relationships celebrate the "who" that we are.

Let's look at the ability to celebrate success and allow for failure.

It is not an easy thing for us to celebrate our own success, is it?  Why do you think we behave in this way?

Perhaps we don't want others to think we value ourselves too highly.  We want to fit in and not rock any boats.  We know that any recognition we receive makes others uncomfortable-especially in the work place.  We try to blend in for the sake of having others accept us.

Sad, isn't it?  When I think of people who take the chance to recognize their own self worth, I realize what that must have cost them.  Maybe friendships, jobs, elections.  But, they are ahead of us.  They know they are capable, and they take the chance of being rejected.  I admire them.  I want to join their ranks.  These people have the same self-doubts as all of us, but they have learned how to deal with them.  They see the big picture.  They know they can make a difference.

Maybe you can find yourself in the personal story I am about to share.

Years ago I was asked to participate in a program called "Those Who Excel."  This program recognizes teachers who, according to their administrators, do a good job with students.  I had to agree to the nomination process.  One part of me was so honored to know I was valued by my administrators.  It gave my view of myself a boost.

The other part of me was concerned about the reaction of my co-teachers.  I felt sure there would be discussions about the choice.  I knew some would celebrate with me, and others would smile yet certainly not agree with the choice.  That is when doubt began to creep into my view of myself.  Who was I, anyway, to believe that maybe I did deserve this recognition?

It's true, isn't it?  No one teaches us how to accept our own successes.  However, we certainly learned early in life to downplay our strengths for the sake of making everyone else comfortable.

Once we are recognized for an accomplishment, we are immediately thrown into competition with others.  Sometimes we wish it had never happened.  What should bring us joy causes us pain.  Through that experience I learned  so much about myself and others.  I learned that I could be proud of my work as an educator while at the same time realizing that my learning and improving would never end.

It is okay to excel and have others and ourselves recognize it.  Yes, it is okay to excel and have others and ourselves recognize it.

It is time for me to meet a friend.  My story continues.  I think it parallels many stories.  More later on this journey of understanding relationships.