Golfing with the Boys

Golfing with the Boys--



Today I am deliberately setting out to make a gigantic fool of myself.  Even more so than usual.  On most days it simply happens, but today I am walking straight into it knowing full well what is going to happen.

What am I doing, you ask?

I am playing golf with my grandson and my husband.  For those of you who golf, you will understand my plight when I say I have not picked up a golf club in two years.  Even when I played a bit regularly, I was not very accurate with my shots.  Once in awhile I would hit a straight one.  It was at that magic moment I understood why people love the game.  However, immediately after that one straight one heading for the target, I would slice the next ones all over the place.

Our grandson is twelve and is a very good golfer.  He plays almost everyday.  He takes lessons.  His swing is analyzed.  And did I mention that he is the best dressed golfer on any course?  Everything matches.  Shoes, socks, pants, belt, shirt, hat.  He is one handsome dude.  So when he gets up to take his shot,  he not only hits well, but he also looks handsome.

My husband plays in a summer league so he plays everyweek.  He loves the game.  Works that little range finder thing to death.  He started playing when he retired.  I think many people do this.

And then there is me.  Honestly, I think the problem is my clubs.  They aren't  expensive enough. Yes, I'm sure that is the problem.   It seems the more expensive the clubs, the better they hit the ball.  Well, I guess the person holding the clubs does have a bit of control.  I have been thinking about buying a new set.  One that other people can recognize.  I won't have any idea whether or not they are good ones, but when others mention that I have such and such clubs, I will know I am in the the group.  Looking the part might help my game.  Yes, I do think I should at least investigate those new clubs.  Will probably take six months of social security checks to buy them.

I need to learn to talk the talk.  I get a bit confused when someone uses golf lingo.  So many over and so many under.  I do understand a hole in one.  Guess that one is pretty simple to get.  And then there is the challenge of selecting the right club.  Pay attention to the distance from where your shot landed to the green, I am told.  Ok.  I don't recognize the length of a football field.  How am I supposed to estimate how far out the ball is?  Not to mention selecting that club.  I have decided I need a driver and a five iron and a putter.  That should about do it for my game.  If I need anything else, I can always borrow it from my partner.  Makes my bag lighter, also.

I do like the pockets on the bag.  I use them for lipstick, sunscreen, money, my phone.  Of course the balls and tees go in there, too.  Have to have a glove.  Why do you have to take the glove off once you are on the green and putting?  Who made that rule?  One more thing to remember to do.

The one thing I dislike about golf is waiting.  When I was a tennis player, you hit the ball everytime it crossed the net.  It is constant motion.  Not golf.  You hit the ball, then go find it, then hit it again. And then you wait until the cart in front of you has hit and  moved out of range for a ball to hit them.  It takes forever.  By the time I have waited at most holes, I am ready to shove that cart into high gear and take off in pursuit of those people in front who take all day to hit that ball.

Maybe I need to rethink golf.  Ya think??  I think I might have a bit of ADHD.  All that sitting with nothing to do is hard work.   Drive the cart, hit the ball, drive to the ball, hit the ball--over and over until I have played all holes.  Waiting, waiting, waiting drives me to distraction.  It is easy to understand why serious golfers belong to clubs.  They don't have to wait.  Good for them.

So, we are off in just a bit.  I have prepared myself to be the source of laughter for the boys.  And you know what?  That will be fun for me as well.