The Crosswalk

The Crosswalk--


An observation for parents and caregivers of children--

I was crossing a very busy walkway.  Cars were everywhere.  There were stop signs and a crosswalk urging vehicles to stop.  To be careful and watchful of those crossing legally.  Traffic was heavy.  While I waited for cars to pass, I observed something quite interesting.

An adult woman and child approached the crosswalk.  The adult asked this question.

"Can you hold my hand?  I want you to be safe.  Thank you."

The child reached for her hand, and together they safely navigated the crosswalk and entered the store.

Before I could cross, I observed another adult and child.  This is what I heard.

"Give me your hand."

She reached for his hand, and he snatched it away.  She reached again.  His little body became rigid, and he again refused.  She finally took his hand.  They proceeded into the store.

Both adults were concerned for the safety of the child in their care.  Both wanted to be certain that an accident did not occur.  Yet, the way they approached the situation was so different.

The first adult brought the child into the situation and explained why she wanted to take his hand.  She asked if she could help him.  And then she thanked him for agreeing.  This child offered his hand because he understood why she was asking for it.  As they walked into the store, they were smiling and talking.  Such a pleasant thing to observe.

The second adult issued a command.  He wanted no part of the command.  He became quite upset that she wanted to hold his hand.  He probably thought he was old enough to watch for cars.  Or maybe the tone of voice caused him to rebel.  He did rebel.  She was right in taking his hand even if he didn't offer it.  Safely always wins. There was tension between them as they walked into the store.  He tried to pull his hand away all the way to the store.  I wondered if he would have reacted differently had she asked for his hand instead of demanded it.

This encounter caused me to think about how we talk to one another even as adults.  Adults become defensive when issued a command.  We want to be involved in the process.  We want to agree to do something rather than be told.  A smart boss knows this.  They engage their employees.  They value their opinions.  There are times when orders must be given for the safety of everyone.  Those times are the exception.  A leader understands that giving others their voice means a much happier workplace.

Spouses, partners, children, co-workers, friends, family--we all respond to a kind tone.  And as I write this, I am aware that I don't always use a kind tone.  Especially at home.  I think I have some work to do!

Be safe this weekend!